How to support when ADHD partner is overloaded?

Forum: Support for the ADHD Partner

I've been learning a ton about ADHD recently, and things are making sense in my marriage as to why things happened. Now, I feel the need to restructure and make sure boundaries are established.

I recently talked with wife, and I brought up it is very hard to know how to be a good husband when she goes from 100mph to 0mph within a day (her metaphor). She really takes a mental health hit when this happens. Before realizing ADHD, I would naively ask "why doesn't 50mph work?" It seems like such a drag on the relationship to fluctuate so quickly. I feel the weight and hurt when she goes through a tough time. And then whatever help I attempt to give, it doesn't seem to do anything. She's just stuck at 0mph until she gets something to do other wise.

It almost seems to me to just ignore it, and let her handle her own problem. But then that doesn't seem like husband thing to do... stuck.