Why Don’t They Trust Me!

A far too common frustration we hear from an unfaithful partner in the betrayal recovery world is, “I’m not acting out anymore, why don’t they trust me?”

I’m going to try to make this as simple as possible and want you to put yourself in this picture.

Imagine that you had a family member, close friend or acquaintance come to you with a financial proposition–you trusted them, their character and business acumen. The proposal seems like a safe bet and you decide to invest a significant amount, let’s say your life entire savings… a contract is entered into and you part with your hard earned cash anticipating the day you and your family get to enjoy the ROI.

Nothing could possibly go wrong until it does…

As hard as it is to believe, it turns out that this friend/family/acquaintance has misappropriated the funds and lost the lot.

There is nothing left, not a penny, it’s all gone, vanished, your future hopes and dreams, your retirement, every hope that you had has diminished.

All you’re left with is the knowledge that this person you trusted deceived you, they took something precious from you and used it for their own gain leaving you destitute.

How do you start again?????

The friend/family/acquaintance is really sorry though and they come to you with a new business idea, they tell you this one will work and invite you into another contractual agreement, you can borrow against your assets this time…

How likely are you to trust this person? Do you think you’d risk it again? What does it feel like even thinking about this?

In essence this is what you’re asking from a betrayed partner multiplied a hundred fold. Although some may disagree, my opinion is that an emotionally intimate life relationship is an exponentially greater investment than any financial transaction. Our species is hardwired for connection and survival

So the next time you’re tempted to hurry along the “trust” process, please remind yourself of what you are expecting.

I shared this analogy with Dave because this scenario is close to his reality, he could relate and understand a little of what I may have experienced, taking a glimpse of the courage it took to step back in whilst being terrified of the risks along the way.

To all of the incredibly brave men and women facing the hurdles and torment of betrayal, go gently and remember trust but verify!