Guest Post: Wait, what?! Shifting Endowment Requirements for Young Women

By Emily

I recently saw an Instagram post on the official Relief Society account. It was a “Wait, what?!” moment as they explained the four requirements for a young woman to receive her endowment.  #1 Be at least 18 years old.   #2 Completed high school or equivalent.  #3. Have been confirmed a member for at least one year.  #4. Have a desire to receive your endowment.  They specifically mention that you do not need to be going on a mission or be getting married to receive your endowment.  WAIT!  WHAT?

I started at BYU in 1997.  As a young adult, I had big decisions looming in my near future.  I was doing a lot of soul searching.  I prayed, read my scriptures, served faithfully, and attended all of my weekly meetings.  I’d always known that the temple was a place to receive revelation, so I sought refuge there.  I had a limited use recommend.  I was able to enter the temple, but only to do baptisms. 

After many temple visits, tears, and pleading with God for guidance, I knew it was time for me to receive my endowment.   I was almost 20 years old.  Many girls around me had gotten married and had had their endowment for two years already.   I met with my bishop and told him that I was ready to go to the temple.  The first thing he said to me was, “Oh, you’re engaged?”  Well, no.  “Oh, so you are dating someone and think it might get serious?”  Well, no. Not that either.  “Oh, then are you wanting to put your mission papers in?”  Well, no, I haven’t decided about that yet.  “Then why do you want to go to the temple?”  I wasn’t prepared for that question.  I stumbled through an answer about needing spiritual guidance in my life and that I had felt the call of the temple.  He ended the interview rather abruptly and let me know that I was welcome to return when I was old enough to put my mission papers in (21 years old, ie the next year) or I was engaged or close to being engaged.  I left defeated and confused.  I had really thought that I was taking a righteous step in seeking my endowment.  I thought that I had felt God give me the thumbs up.  But the bishop was my priesthood leader and I respected that.  I had misunderstood everything. 

I started my junior year in a different BYU ward. I made an appointment with my new bishop.  Maybe now was the time for me to go to the temple!  Our conversation was almost a word for word match:  “Engaged?”  No.  “Serious dating?”  No.  “Mission?”  I don’t know.  Ok, then no temple for you!  This time I was composed enough to ask a single question:  Why?  And this time bishop was the one stumbling though an answer.  “Well, we don’t want you to receive your endowment and then “mess up” (code for: sex) because you’d be in a lot more trouble.  If you are about to get married or go on a mission, your chances of messing up are less.”  I thought, “Why wouldn’t the endowment and that commitment to God be a protection and a help to live a worthy life?”  But he was my priesthood leader and I respected that.   I had misunderstood, again.  I left, defeated and confused, again. 

Nearly five years later, I finally got to go to the temple.  I had played bishop roulette enough to find one who would let me go.  Perhaps he took pity on me because I was too old to go on a mission and, at age 25, I had long missed my chance to get married.

To hear that now the requirements are simply to be 18, a high school graduate, having been confirmed for at least a year, and to have a desire to go:  Wait, what?!  I checked every one of those checkboxes.  Every. Single. One.  And yet I was held to a higher standard that I had no control over and those temple blessings were withheld from me for many years.  Why would God change his rules for who could access his holy house?  Were the requirements ever really rules in the first place?  Why was my connection with God, that I felt called to seek, denied by man after man?  Why did I let them turn me away?  Why did I not stand up and say, “This is MY relationship with God!  I don’t know what my future holds.  I don’t know if I’ll ever get married!  God wants to talk to me NOW, not after I’ve made a decision on an eternal companion!”

I know the answer I’d receive if I asked a church leader (ie a man who likely received his endowment shortly after high school, whether he had a desire or not) about the shifting requirements:    I didn’t need to be in the temple for God to help me with big decisions.  As a woman, I’ve always had priesthood power.   It’s all fine.  That’s just how it was.  Don’t be upset.   It wasn’t that bad.  And it has been changed!  Now young women don’t have to worry about it the way that you did!  It’s all fine now.  

Editor’s note: Emily isn’t the only one who had this experience. These are some comments directly from the Instagram reel itself:

Emily is in her mid 40s.  She had four kids and a tabby cat.  She’s a stay-at-home mom, because she was supposed to be.  She’s married to a very smart engineer.  She’s well known for her beautiful yard, bountiful garden, and her absolutely fantastic humor.

Main image by Engin Akyurt.