The Power of Seeing Others: How My Life Changed When I Stopped Needing to Be the Focal Point

“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.” — Often attributed to various sources, but one truth remains: people crave to be seen, heard, and validated.

Over the years — through therapy, study, faith, parenting, and the relentless refining fire of life experience — I’ve come to a deep and humbling realization:

So much of human interaction, communication, and connection boils down to one fundamental desire: to be seen, to feel heard, and to know we matter.

That desire is universal. It’s true for me. It’s true for you. And it’s true for everyone we cross paths with — our partners, kids, teammates, customers, even the strangers we brush shoulders with at the airport or on a video call.

And yet, here’s where the rub lies: Too often, we’re so busy trying to be heard ourselves — to win the conversation, to prove our value, to make our point — that we miss the quiet, sometimes desperate needs of the other person.

And when both people in a conversation are clamoring to be understood first?

Nobody is.

Therapy, Reading, and the Shift Toward Secure Connection

In recent years, I’ve spent a lot of time with my wife reading books on secure love and secure parenting. I’ve been to therapy. I’ve listened more than I’ve spoken (or tried to). And I’ve come to recognize how deeply the human psyche is wired to crave safety, connection, and understanding.

Whether in a sales conversation or a bedtime chat with one of my daughters, what I’ve learned is this:

Validation doesn’t mean agreement. Being heard doesn’t mean being right. And connection isn’t built by force—it’s built by presence.

A secure relationship—at home, in business, or in friendship—isn’t about who speaks the most or who wins. It’s about creating space for others to feel seen, safe, and significant.

The Fatherhood Fork in the Road

Before I became a dad at 28, I’ll be honest — I was intensely focused on me. My goals. My income. My brand. My ambitions. My spotlight.

And don’t get me wrong — ambition can be a good thing. But unchecked, it becomes a gravitational force that pulls everything in its orbit inward.

When my first daughter was born, something profound shifted. That selfish gravitational center collapsed. In its place emerged a desire I never expected: to serve something bigger than myself.

It didn’t happen overnight. But gradually — day by day, diaper by diaper, bedtime story by bedtime story — I realized the most powerful thing I could do was be fully present for someone else.

And not just at home. Everywhere.

In every room I walk into now, my first question isn’t: “How can I be impressive?” It’s: “How can I make this person feel valued?”

The Pendulum Swing: From Self-Focus to Others-Focus

I’m not here to say I’ve got it all figured out — far from it. But I can tell you this:

My life changed for the better when I stopped needing to be the focal point.

I began to experience deeper relationships. Stronger professional partnerships. Healthier dynamics with my children. More peace internally. And paradoxically, more impact than when I was trying to be center stage all the time.

It’s not that I don’t have a voice. I do. It’s not that I don’t share my values. I do. But now, I share them through the lens of serving others — not to get validation, but to create it for someone else.

What This Means for Leadership, Sales, and Life

In my career at Microsoft and across decades in sales and leadership, I’ve realized this philosophy is more than just a personal conviction — it’s a competitive advantage.

In sales? The rep who makes the customer feel understood wins the deal.

In leadership? The manager who listens intently builds loyalty and trust.

In family? The parent who is emotionally present raises confident kids.

When you shift your mindset from “How do I get what I want?” to “How do I help others get what they need?” — something beautiful happens:

Your influence expands. Your impact deepens. Your fulfillment skyrockets.

How to Make People Feel Seen and Heard

Here’s what I strive to do daily — at home, in meetings, on calls, and in life:

Pause before you speak. Ask: Is what I’m about to say adding value to them, or just making me feel better? I pick very few battles at this point. I don’t need to get the last word. I don’t even care about being right. Having been down just about every road I can go down, it serves nothing to argue small points when the reality is someone else is upset because they don’t feel seen or valued or heard. Period.

Mirror and validate. Reflect back what they’re feeling. “It sounds like you’re really frustrated by this delay — that makes sense.” You’d be surprised how often people just need that.

Ask better questions. Not just, “How are you?” but “What’s on your mind today?” “What’s your ideal day look like and how can I help you make that happen?” “How can I best support you?”

Be willing to sacrifice the spotlight. Let others shine. Elevate their contributions. Give credit. Celebrate them. If you lift up everyone you touch, you’ll rise, too.

Rewire your reward system. Don’t measure success by applause or attention. Measure it by how seen, heard, and lifted others feel after being in your presence.

It’s Not About Being the Hero—It’s About Being the Hero-Maker

That’s the shift that’s changed my life the most.

I don’t need to be the hero anymore. I’m here to be the hero-maker. To create platforms, not just stand on them. To light torches in others, not just hold the flame myself.

And wouldn’t you know it? In doing so, I’ve found more meaning, purpose, joy, and success than I ever did trying to climb the ladder of self-interest.

Let people be seen. Hear their story. Feel their heartbeat. And lift them up.

The more people you help feel significant, the more significant your life becomes.

How do you strive to make others feel seen and heard in your life or work?

#LeadershipWithHeart #EmotionalIntelligence #HeroMaker #ParentingLessons #PeopleFirst #ModernSelling #ServeToLead #SalesWithPurpose #BeTheLight