Guest Post: Some Reflections on Father’s Day and LDS Theology about Fatherhood
Guest Post by Rose
Just as Mother’s Day can be traumatizing for some, Father’s Day can be as well. Paying homage to fathers at Church can be difficult for those children who have no dad or whose dad is less than kind. It can trigger complicated emotions for adults who have buried their fathers or who never felt fully accepted by them. No matter how many mixed emotions folks have regarding Father’s Day, it will be honored by the LDS Church each year, too often with grand sermons about the supreme role of fatherhood, which is only secondary to the role of mothers, whom our benevolent patriarchy views as a role close to the angels.
I was fortunate to have a great dad who encouraged me to be my best self and valued me as much as any of his sons, but he died when I was a teenager, so Father’s Day can be bittersweet for me. Because my dad was loving and kind, I have viewed God that way even though some LDS leaders, including our current prophet, describe God as having “conditional” love, something I cannot fathom for anyone worth worshiping.
The LDS Church has created a God who is sometimes wrathful, warlike, and white. He is bearded with longer hair, and he values men a lot more than women, especially if they are fathers. Woe to the faithful LDS man who has a low sperm count or whose wife cannot conceive, for many will assume an infertile couple is selfish or disobedient to God’s command to “multiple and replenish the earth.”
LDS scripture paints a complex version of Heavenly Father. In the 1835 Lectures on Faith, Joseph Smith described God the Father as an omnipresent personage of spirit without beginning of days. In 1841, Joseph Smith began teaching that God the Father has a body of flesh and bones as tangible as man’s. Brigham Young took that concept a step further, stating that Jesus “ was begotten of Elohim, the Eternal Father, not in violation of natural law but in accordance with a higher manifestation thereof.” This teaching was quoted in LDS manuals in 2006. I find the thought of God having sex with young Mary as reprehensible as Joseph Smith coercing little girls to “marry” him, so I refuse to accept that teaching as true.
God can be vengeful in Scripture, slaughtering innocent men, women, and children and destroying entire nations who offend Him, yet Jesus, who said he epitomized the Father, was kind and merciful to the sick, hungry, and lowly folks, valued women, and chided religious leaders who were selfish and unkind. I choose Jesus’ version of God over the Book of Mormon and Biblical passages that paint Him as a tyrant.
LDS theology states that Heavenly Father is married, but somehow his wife is silenced and ignored, just as women in the Church are. The LDS church also teaches that a corporeal God fathers zillions of spirits with his multitude of polygamous wives, an incomprehensible feat for someone with a body of flesh and blood. I prefer to trust that God is love and that “if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us.” As I review any religious teaching about God, I filter it through the lens of love and discard it if it is an unloving teaching. I choose to ignore any wrathful version of God and stick with my memory of my dad, who was kind and generous and forgave me quickly. I would hope that God loves me at least that much.
As a Church that often encourages us to hustle for God’s love, I choose instead to remember the words in John 4: 18-19: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. We love Him because He first loved us.” I feel His love when I notice the smile of a child, the kindness of a stranger, and the hug of a friend.
I love God because I trust that He loves me and everyone else, just as we are. I honor good fathers everywhere, but don’t believe a man has to be a dad–or that a woman has to be a mom–to be fulfilled, worthy, and wonderful. I’m grateful to my dad, who loved me even when I was sometimes an obnoxious teen, a pouty child, and a whiny toddler. His love was unconditional. Surely, God loves each fallible, imperfect soul even more.
William Blake’s painting of God judging Adam in the Tate MuseumRose loves to serve and learn from those whom the LDS Church has chosen to marginalize.
