Guest Post: Holding Flowers, Letting Go

Guest Post by Anonymous

Photo courteous of Olga Shenderova

Preface: I don’t know if any LDS mother is ever really fully prepared to hear their child utter that they have left the Church. As a full-time stay at home mother most of my kids’ lives, my view of success was entrenched in the idea that my adult children’s choices were a result of how well I had taught them and emulated the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know now this expectation is unrealistic, unhealthy and unfair for parents and children. 

This memory is shared in gratitude for my daughter who delicately and lovingly opened her heart to me.

Steering wheel. Windshield. Mirror. Air vent. Flowers.

It happened during a routine outing with my eldest daughter, sitting in the car in a crowded Trader Joe’s parking lot. A rush of adrenaline—fueled by deepening anxiety—washed over me as she poured out her heart about her faith journey. We had run errands together and stopped to pick up flowers for her mother-in-law’s birthday. The bouquet rested in her lap as the conversation unfolded naturally—organically. It was one of those sacred moments as a mother that you hope not to mishandle.

She is my daughter—my firstborn. When she speaks, you listen. Her words are thoughtful and deliberate. As she began, I held my breath. My heart pounded. And deep down, I already knew what was coming. After all, I am her mother.

If it’s possible for a heart to break and swell with pride at the same time, that’s what happened. Time seemed to pause. Intrusive thoughts raced through my mind. What did I do wrong? Was I hearing confirmation of what I had sensed for some time—that she had stepped away from the Church? Shamefully, my first instinct was concern over how this would be perceived by others—especially extended family.

Blue eyes. Dark hair. Earrings. Tears. Slender fingers.

But her gentle voice brought me back. Her words—full of grace and love—quieted the noise in my mind. In that car, love enveloped us. Pure, unconditional love. The kind that reflects the pure love of Christ. I inhaled, centered myself, and truly listened.

She was brave. Clear. Kind. Her journey had not been a casual detour but a pilgrimage—marked by soul-searching and sincere effort.

That conversation, one of the most sacred of my life, unfolded with honesty and care because of her. She anticipated how I might feel. She affirmed her love and gratitude—for me, for her dad, for her sisters. And she has continued to show me, every day since, how it’s possible to lovingly pursue her own spiritual path while fully supporting those who find comfort and faith within the covenant path.

Years later, I would come to understand what a faith journey truly means—an odyssey of deep reflection, growth, and sometimes painful reconciliation with belief.

Now, I sit with those memories—at peace, still learning.

Anonymous is deconstructing her LDS faith and happily living her best life with her husband of 34 years. Her favorite pastimes include reading, writing and learning from her four daughters.