Too Many Steps?

Forum: Communication with ADHD

Questions I have are whether 

(a) anyone has strategies or stories for dealing with ADHD lack of ability to complete simple multi step tasks? 

(b) whether there is a difference is multi-step task completion challenges between adult and children?

Here is some background:

So I have ADHD ex wife and ADHD tween son (he youngest of 3) and rest of us not ADHD.

It has been very difficult forever to communicate basic multi-step tasks to the ADHD part of the family. 

Until they were diagnosed 5 years ago, I thought it was me not being able to properly describe, even though at work I had colleagues who could listen and retain 10-step tasks and return quickly with perfect execution.

Now I know this is an ADHD challenge, to not be able to easily execute basic daily tasks.

I used to cope by just doing it myself (and still do), but for my own sanity and grey hair abatement, i am trying to encourage skills for them to complete multi-step tasks without me.

For example, regular basic stuff from this past weekend that has been going on for years:

1) "son (12), can you please feed the dog, the new food is at the front door, and put the new bag in the pantry"

(he goes to back door and comes back claiming there is no food)

"the food bag is pink with a picture of a salmon, it is in a black grocery bag at the front door are you sure?"

(he goes to front door and brings back a red back with toilet paper)

"that is red, what about black bag with dog food?"

"try again", i say. he gives up "ohh i can't find it"and starts to get down on himself and almost cry and quit the task.

i have to do it myself, the bag is the same color and place i said.

2) this weekend ADHD ex wife is staying in same hotel another room for 3 day event and the kids are going back and forth between rooms as she is too. Electronic room keys all look the same and she keeps misplacing the keys and forgetting which is which and needs to go to front desk everytime to get into her room. Total chaos since we are coming in and out 10-15 times a day, and after 24hr literally have 10 keys all look the same.

So I go to desk and i get 3 keys for each room in an envelope and label each. I give them to her and say "do not take card key out of labelled envelope".

Few hours later, of course all the keys are out of envelope and she is at the front desk calling my room because her keys are wrong and she forgot her ID back in room.

Basic attention seems non existant and the non-ADHD takes the burden and I am trying to put is back on the ADHD to no avail since they always just give up quickly in my experience....should i just let them fail and fail until they "get it"?