9 Signs You Might Be Creating Drama on Your Team

When I first began this series on drama in the workplace, I invoked Cy Wakeman’s definition of “arguing with reality.”  We talked about all the ways your hapless colleagues might be circling the drain and how you can put in the stopper. Thus far, we haven’t even hinted at one important possibility: maybe you’re the problem. Maybe you’re creating workplace drama. Maybe you’re the one arguing with reality.

Stay with me.

I know it’s unpleasant to consider (because I hate when I catch myself whipping up drama), but it’s worth a reality check occasionally.

Signs You Are Creating Drama

I suspect that you seldom label your own behavior as “creating drama,” but there might be times when the story you’re telling yourself to justify your action is a tad generous. Sure, sometimes your choices might be totally legitimate, but are you willing to consider that sometimes they might be doing more harm than good?

Here are a few examples I often see where the impact of a behavior is not quite as positive, helpful, or justified as you might believe.

1. I Work with Clowns

Your Behavior: You explain the same point over and over because people aren’t agreeing with you.

You Tell Yourself: My colleagues don’t get it, and I need to explain it again because they are being thick. Once they finally understand what I mean, they’ll accept my view of the situation.

Maybe: They don’t get it, and you reiterating the point will give them time to catch up.

Or Maybe: You’re being rigid, and it’s time to consider that your perspective might not be as awesome, all-encompassing, or accurate as you think. Digging in is making people frustrated and causing them to retrench.

2. I’m Defending Truth

Your Behavior: You criticize an idea, a plan, or a comment that is clearly ill thought out.

You Tell Yourself: Someone needs to be brutally honest here.

Maybe: It’s about time for some unvarnished truth to knock folks out of their complacency.

Or Maybe: You’re making your point so aggressively that people are protecting themselves and fighting back rather than learning from your point.

3. I’m Making it Better

Your Behavior: You call “devil’s advocate” and point out all the reasons why a colleague’s plan won’t work.

You Tell Yourself: Having a devil’s advocate improves the quality of our decision-making.

Maybe: You’re the only one with the courage to disagree, and your team is lucky to have you.

Or Maybe: You relish an excuse to be contrarian and shoot down other people’s ideas, and they roll their eyes every time you do.

4. I’m Earning My Keep

Your Behavior: You jump in with multiple suggestions about how your colleagues can improve their work.

You Tell Yourself: I just want what’s best for the company, so I try to make sure everyone’s work is the best it can be.

Maybe: You’re single-handedly protecting and preserving the quality of your team’s work.

Or Maybe: You’re overstepping, playing Dr. Know-it-all, and encouraging drama by making people feel less worthy and starting a pissing contest.

5. I’m Picking My Battles

Your Behavior: You have a major concern about something your teammate said, but you stay quiet.

You Tell Yourself: It wasn’t my place to say anything.

Maybe: You were right to keep your mouth shut because it was just an opinion, and it wasn’t helpful.

Or Maybe: Your face was broadcasting what you were feeling, but you didn’t have the courage to be candid about why, so now everyone is gossiping about what was going on with you in the meeting.

6. I’m Respecting the Boss

Your Behavior: You disagree with the boss about the best way to go, but you don’t say anything.

You Tell Yourself: It’s not safe to speak up in the meeting.

Maybe: It’s a hostile environment where saying something would be a career-limiting move.

Or Maybe: It’s easier and more comfortable to share your concerns with teammates even if you’re setting up an unhealthy dynamic and turning people against your manager.

7. I’m Keeping it Close to My Chest

Your Behavior: You socialize and share information with a select group of people on your team, spending little time and energy on anyone else.

You Tell Yourself: My time is precious, so I’m selective in who I engage with.

Maybe: The person you’re excluding doesn’t need to be involved.

Or Maybe: You’re creating in-groups and out-groups and stoking drama by making people feel like they don’t belong.

8. I’m Protecting Myself

Your Behavior: You withhold information from a teammate, forcing them to learn through others rather than directly from you.

You Tell Yourself: I’m justified in not trusting that person. They did me wrong and never apologized.

Maybe: They are out to get you or steal credit for your work, and you have to be selective about what you share with them.

Or Maybe: You are dwelling on old stories and creating a vicious cycle they can’t escape from.

9. I’m Getting What I Deserve

Your Behavior: You continually vent to your colleagues about how poorly you’re treated.

You Tell Yourself: You deserve to have support, and you’re justified in trying to build a coalition to get it.

Maybe: You are using a constructive approach to create connection with your teammates.

Or Maybe: You’re stuck in a victim mentality and dragging your colleagues into your own negative narrative.

Conclusion & A Question

There are so many ways that your behavior might be triggering, reinforcing, or prolonging drama on your team. Try to view it through everyone else’s eyes and see if there’s a better choice.

What did I miss? What story have you told yourself that was doing more harm than good? How did you rewrite it in a way that improved your team dynamic?

Additional Resources

How to Stop Being Passive-Aggressive

Should you pick your battles? – Part I

How to recover when you feel wronged

 

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