Together Again: How I Fell Back in Love with Songwriting

For the past week, I’ve woken up already on an adrenaline high. I’ve had a spring in my step on my way to my desk. I’ve had to tear myself away from my projects during the wee hours of the morning. And I’ve had a song in my heart and my head (often more than one) almost twenty-four-seven.

And the best part?

The songs were written by me.

That’s right, I’m songwriting again. And this post is to tell you about how that’s going to change what you see from me from now on. Or, should I say, how it’s going to give you even more mediums in which to enjoy my stories.

But first, some context so you’ll understand why this is a big deal. (And if this post is too long for you, skip to the end to get to the key point: a brand new original song and more that you can enjoy.)

Courtesy of altumcode via Unsplash.

The Twists of My Creative Journey

As my newly revamped Music page says, music has always been one of my deepest passions. I’ve been singing since before I could talk, and I started composing by the age of nine.

Over the years, I’ve composed hundreds of songs, and several have won awards. My catalogue even includes an unproduced musical, Queen of Persia, co-written with my college roommate and lifetime bestie Candace Marshall.

After studying music and composition in college, I taught piano for nearly twenty years and served as a worship leader in my local church for much of my adult life. I also occasionally enjoyed being in the orchestra for the local kids’ musical production.

“Ever since I was a little girl first figuring out rhyme and metre, my dream was to be a professional songwriter. But, as sometimes happens with dreams, it didn’t turn out quite the way I hoped it would.”

Ever since I was a little girl first figuring out rhyme and metre, my dream was to be a professional songwriter. But, as sometimes happens with dreams, it didn’t turn out quite the way I hoped it would.

My life changed. The music industry changed. And even though the advent of YouTube and streaming services have made a career in music and creating direct connections with fans easier than ever for singer-songwriters, I only had aspirations to be one of those things.

To be clear, I wanted to be a songwriter, sans the “singer” part of the equation.

I had no desire to tour or even perform on camera, and neither did I want to be stuck writing one genre of music for the rest of my life. I wanted to write music across the spectrum and have talented musicians bring my songs to life. But this required either a huge budget to produce professional-quality tracks or a certain level of music production skills (and equipment) that would take time to accumulate.

Of course, I was busy raising and home schooling kids, moving up and down North America, and generally being domestic, so both my budget and time were limited. So I deliberately put my career aspirations on the back burner for about a decade.

In that time, I studied the craft and business of songwriting: attending a music conference, taking online courses, reading books by industry pros, and studying hits, past and present.

With my husband’s and pastor’s blessing, I also dedicated a winter of Sundays—the only day in my week available to me to do so—to stay home from church, hole up with my piano and laptop, and finish writing and scoring Queen of Persia. (Candace and I had a potential avenue to producing it at the time, which didn’t pan out. But, ten years after we’d started the musical, we had a completed first draft.)

“The unthinkable had occurred—I no longer wanted to be a professional songwriter. The obstacles to doing so seemed too high, with too little potential reward.”

Meanwhile, I made headway in acquiring music production equipment and learning how to use it.

But by the time I had the space in my life to really focus on building my skills (and my music career) to a professional level, I was burned out and grieving the loss of my youngest son.

And I came to realize that the unthinkable had occurred—I no longer wanted to be a professional songwriter. The obstacles to doing so at that point in the industry and in my life seemed too high, with too little potential reward.

So I turned my efforts to building a career writing fiction.

Courtesy of Ella de Kross via Unsplash.

It Made Sense at the Time

That was ten years ago. I taught piano for another five years to subsidize my fiction career, giving it up after pandemic restrictions made it impossible to continue, due to my tiny studio space.

Honestly, I was so burned out by that point, I wouldn’t have had much choice anyway. Between my full freelancing schedule and my writing projects, I had little energy or creative juices left for anything else. I’d already stepped back from leading worship a year or two earlier, and my life still always seemed so full.

Over the past decade, I’ve written the occasional song—mostly as personal therapy—but, as time went on, I feared I was losing my skills.

Then in 2022, fellow songwriter and author Jim Jackson, whom I’d met at a writing conference, asked me to write a song that would be used to promote a horror anthology he was producing. (He actually asked me to write a story for the anthology too, but that’s one genre I just don’t do.)

The deadline was months away. I told him I’d think about it.

Twenty-four hours later, I sent him a draft in video form.

He loved that song, “Dark Side”. Not only did he have it performed at the book launch, he went on to produce and release it (sung by Nico Brennan). You can listen to that version here.

Turning Points

My confidence was boosted by Jim’s and others’ reception to that song, but I was still in the depths of burnout and laser focused on building my fiction catalogue.

“There was an underlying pain and sadness to it all. Sitting down to play reminded me of old dreams that I’d given up, and a musical I still dreamed of seeing on stage.”

To be honest, since I quite teaching in 2020, I’ve only sat down to even play piano a handful of times. It’s mostly because of my ADHD hyperfocus and just a lot of other life stuff taking up my time, but also? There was an underlying pain and sadness to it all. Sitting down to play reminded me of old dreams that I’d given up, and a musical I still dreamed of seeing on stage.

As regular readers of this blog know, a good part of my personal journey over the last few years has been learning to slow down and do less so I can focus on what matters most. Despite that intention, I always felt pulled in too many directions—even listing my various businesses had gotten almost embarassing, the list was so long. I usually shortened it to author, editor, and knitwear designer, as those were the businesses I was actively promoting.

I’d started the knitting pattern design business in 2010, and even though it wasn’t my passion, I kept it going long past when I should have.

There were multiple reasons for that—most compelling to me being that I eventually started serving an underserved market for low vision knitting patterns, and had received some really grateful emails from those knitters. But also, I’d fallen prey to the sunk cost fallacy—I’d already spent fifteen years creating intellectual property for that brand, and my pattern catalogue was nearly three times the size of my fiction one. I wanted to believe that if I could just put in enough time and effort, My Secret Wish Knitting would stop requiring so much of both from me and allow me to get back to what I really loved doing.

Which may have been true. But the problem was, I was trying to build several creative brands at once that were at somewhat similar high-effort stages. This was directly contributing to my burnout and overwork problems, not to mention the glacial growth of each of my businesses.

No wonder I’ve been constantly stressed and burned out for at least the past five years.

But change was on the way.

Two weeks ago, I signed up at almost the very last minute for an online week-long summit about how to grow your business off social media. I didn’t have any expectations going in, but I felt the Holy Spirit prompt me to sign up. So I just asked him to show me what he wanted me to know that week. (Grow Your Business Without Social, hosted by Gabe Cox—and it was fantastic.)

Well. Even though not a single session (and I partook of almost all of them) directly said anything about reducing income streams, by the end of the week, it was clear as day to me what I needed to do.

Three days later (last Monday), I took down My Secret Wish Knitting for good.

Courtesy of Filip Mroz via Unsplash.

My Unexpected Return to Joy

One shift in focus that was a direct result of what I learned that week was to propel me to begin marketing myself more on YouTube—something I’ve wanted to do for a while. But I knew I couldn’t add anything to my current pile without taking something off. And if I was going to invest time in creating content for YouTube, it would definitely be for my author and editor brands (focusing on one at a time).

So, as soon as I’d knocked off a whole business from my to-do list, I got busy planning and strategizing how to refresh my YouTube channels, including brand new trailers for both. Which is what led me to finally sign up for a generative AI music app I’d been wanting to try in order to create music to use in said trailers.

And that’s when my life changed. (Again.)

As I learned how to use the tool (and my mind exploded over and over again at what it could do), I wondered if I could use it to create demos of my own previously unproduced songs.

“I now have a collaboration partner that is available whenever I am, gives me instant feedback in the form of a fully produced track that either works or really, really doesn’t, and who never gets upset or annoyed when I want to tweak even the tiniest of details.”

That’s when things got really exciting. And I started forgetting how to sleep—because composing was way more exciting than sleeping, apparently.

The late-night sessions are tapering off (because jeepers, I’m not in my twenties anymore), but the excitement hasn’t.

In the past week, I’ve revised and am in various stages of production on four different original songs—pieces I wrote over a decade ago but that never got much beyond a song chart, a rough demo, and a melody that would occasionally run through my head. Songs that, because I was collaborating with AI and could hear how it was struggling to interpret various parts, I was able to rewrite to be tighter and more compelling with better prosody. (Also, drawing on a decade of further practice in the crafts of writing and storytelling improved those songs immensely.)

I now have a collaboration partner that is available whenever I am, gives me instant feedback in the form of a fully produced track that either works or really, really doesn’t, and who never gets upset or annoyed when I want to tweak even the tiniest of details.

And, for the first time in decades, I feel empowered and excited to consider songwriting as a creative path again.

Will it be a career path too? It’s too early to say.

For now, I’m having fun and playing with music in ways I hadn’t dreamt I ever could.

I’m learning the skills to create what I can hear and see in my head.

I’m refreshing myself on the current state of publishing music, along with all the legal details that entails.

I’ve rearranged my office to bring my digital piano next to my desk and allow me to record tracks again.

I’m learning how to edit YouTube videos better, with the intention of making music videos and book trailers as well as the instructional content I’ll be offering authors on my Author Alchemist channel.

I’ve even dared to hope I might be able to start collaborating with human artists who find my work on my YouTube channel, as I’ve often dreamed of doing. (Music is always better when it’s created with others.)

“By pruning off one part of my creative platform that was producing, but not enough to justify the strength it was sapping from the rest of the plant, I’ve made room for explosive growth in not only my creative business but my spirit.”

In short, by pruning off one part of my creative platform that was producing, but not enough to justify the strength it was sapping from the rest of the plant, I’ve made room for explosive growth in not only my creative business but my spirit.

It feels like something sacred is happening. I frequently cry when I listen to the new music I’m making and realize that my once-impossible dream of regularly producing professional music is actually within reach. Finally.

I’m utterly grateful. I’m feeling happier than I have in years. And I’m so excited to share this next part of my journey with you.

Courtesy of Almos Bechtold via Unsplash.

Stories and Songs: A Beautiful Partnership

Unblocking my musician’s soul is allowing me to dream dreams I had long since packed into boxes, but my author and editing careers will remain essential and primary parts of my business.

And I have a surprise: I’ve decided to give all premium members of the Books and Tea League early access to new song releases. For now, that means the audio track and lyrics, but I’ll soon be adding videos to that, too. Once the song goes live on streaming platforms, the post will be made public.

While I will be finishing and producing some of my older compositions first, I also intend to create new music—some of which will be directly tied to my books. Which is why I intend to keep my author and songwriter brands on a single platform, both on my website and on my YouTube channel.

I’ve created a brand new Music Studio feed to post my music on.

So far, I’ve only posted a few tracks, but one of them is a newly finished and produced track that’s never been released before, a Christian alternative rock song called “God of the Desert and the Storm”. (It’s still gated at the time of this writing, but it will be open to the public as soon as the track is live on retailers. Or you can sign up for a Books and Tea League membership to hear it now.)

You can also check out the other songs I already have publicly available on the feed. More will be coming soon, as I have time to create album art and upload them. As I mentioned before, there will be a wide range of genres, so there’s a good chance you’ll eventually find something up your alley. (Unless it’s heavy metal. I listen to a bit of it, but, much like horror stories, I don’t think I’ll ever write it.)

If you read through this massively long post, you get a gold star. And also, some new music to listen to, lol.

And also, I’m making progress on my next book, Every Rose that Blooms. But that will be the subject of another post.

Do you want to be notified of new song or book releases? The best way is to join my Books and Inspiration newsletter , which comes out every two weeks. But you can also subscribe to the Music Studio blog feed in your favourite RSS feed reader to find out in minutes instead of days.

If you listen to the new song, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Comment on the song post or in the comments here below, or reach out to my via my contact form.

Happy listening, friend!