Reignite Your Curiosity For A More Satisfying Life – Here’s How

How curious are you?

Are you as curious as you used to be in your 20s when you were having new experiences more often?

Or have you become complacent with curiosity or too busy to cultivate it?

It recently struck me how important curiosity is to me. My husband, Vic, is the most curious person I know, and my friends are often original thinkers who enjoy questioning conventional wisdom, which I love.

Stoking curiosity also makes life more juicy and satisfying, which is why this episode is all about the different ways in which we can curate more of it.

Prefer the audio? Listen here.

What Is A Sapiophile?

At a conference about erotic intelligence, I was telling my pal Dr. Alexandra Solomon how one of the most attractive things about Vic is his curious mind.

She commented that I was a sapiophile, which is someone who is attracted to people who are curious and creative.

Sapio-sexuality is a term used to describe people who are sexually attracted to intelligence, too.

I think I’m both! What about you?

Alexandra’s comment got me thinking about curiosity and why I value it. So, let’s break it down.

Curiosity Can Fluctuate With Age

When was the last time you experienced something new?

As teens and young adults, nearly everything is new. We experience many ‘firsts’ that naturally keep us curious.

But as we age, it’s easy to become habitual and stay in what’s familiar. (For example, having a favorite spot at your exercise class or constantly going to the same place for Taco Tuesdays.)

It’s human to like the familiar, so we have to work a little harder to stoke the curious part of our nature.

Since curiosity can serve as the fuel to do new things, it’s essential to cultivate it intentionally, even for those of us who are naturally curious!

I don’t know about you, but I want to keep life interesting, and curiosity is integral to that.

When you become more curious, you approach things with a desire to see them from a different perspective. You consciously seek to learn new things by exploring, meeting new people, and having a genuine interest in them. More possibilities open up, making life feel more adventurous.

Cultivating Curiosity as a High-Functioning Codependent

I wrote about this in Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency, but when you’re a high-functioning codependent, you’re often a bit of a know-it-all. (I’m not judging- I’m in recovery myself!)

We’re less curious and more into telling people what we think they should do. “I have a great idea for you!” 

Flexing your curiosity muscle in a conversation helps you become an active listener rather than someone looking for an opening to jump in and tell their story or offer a solution.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to relate to the other person. It’s in our nature. But asking questions first and creating space for them to answer helps deepen the intimacy in our relationships.

As high-functioning codependents, we can also stoke curiosity by challenging our assumptions.

I say this as the queen of assuming, and it has been amazing to see how much things change when I question my assumptions.

We all tend toward confirmation bias, where we see things as we think they already are. But it’s more interesting to challenge our assumptions. Maybe we’re wrong about something or someone, and learn something new.

Consider that things might be different than you think.

It helps to self-reflect, too. Get radically curious about why you respond the way you do in certain situations and why you have certain thoughts.

Be Mindful of What You Consume

Is what you’re watching, reading, or listening to making you more curious? Are you learning something new? Or is it harming your nervous system?

A great way to stoke curiosity is to get interested in how things are created.

Vic and I recently watched Shōgun, which was fantastic. Wanting to know how it was made, how authentic it was, and how it was received in Japan, we watched all the “making of” and behind-the-scenes videos we could find.

Similar to watching behind-the-scenes, you could also go down a research rabbit hole if what you’re consuming is historical or based on a true story.

After listening to Sharon McMahon’s book, The Small and the Mighty, about 12 lesser-known people who made a big difference in the 1800s suffrage movement and beyond, I did a deep dive into everyone mentioned.

If you haven’t read, watched, or listened to anything lately and you’re unsure what interests you, download the guide for this episode. Your life is a roadmap of what interests you and the questions in the guide will help you decode it.

Listen Actively + With Less Judgment.

Part of being curious is being a good listener, or what I call an athletic listener, where you are actively paying attention to what someone else is saying without judgment.

Many of us get so attached to our judgments and opinions that they become part of our identity when they really aren’t.

This is called yum-yucking (which I talked about in Too Much), and it sounds like, “I don’t know why someone would wear that with that. It doesn’t match.” “Did you see the new house they bought? It’s not my style.” “I just don’t like that.”

Yum-yucking functions like a defense mechanism, often making us feel secure in an incredibly uncertain world due to its black-and-white nature.

But as my mentor and soul brother davidji would say, the only thing we can count on is that everything will change.

Change Your Perspective

Learning to see things from another perspective and putting yourself in someone else’s shoes can also spark curiosity.

I learned a great exercise at The Chopra Center years ago. They made us think about a conflict we had with someone where we were absolutely sure we were in the right, and they were in the wrong. Someone interviews you (as if they were a journalist) and asks you what happened.

Then you have to imagine the other person getting interviewed, which makes you think about how they experienced the incident.

I focused on a conflict I had with my closest sister, and this exercise allowed me to see how the issue wasn’t as cut and dry as me being the victim and her being a jerk.

I hope this inspired you to curate more curiosity in your life, and I’d love to hear your thoughts. Leave a comment, tag me in your stories on Instagram (@terricole), or drop a note wherever you listen to the pod.

Remember to download the guide for all my ideas on how to curate curiosity and figure out what interests you!

Have an amazing week and as always, take care of you.

P.S. Want to be in a community of like-minded, curious seekers? Check out my membership, where I host four Q&A calls on Zoom each month and answer your questions. Get all the details here.