Guest Post: Revelation — Rooted in Personal Experience
by Vicki van den Eikhof
As a woman, patriarchal order has always been a challenge for me, and as a mother of children with a variety of challenges to traditional observances of my LDS faith, I have struggled for some time with how they might be included in the church. For years, I waited for announcements of new revelation from SLC that would answer all my questions and pave a clear pathway for my children’s inclusion. That has yet to happen, which has led me to ponder: Should I even expect the leaders of the church to ask God questions on my behalf? What kinds of answers should I expect them to provide?
Our recent stake conference brought me new insights into the influence of personal experience on revelation, and caused me to reflect–again–on my expectation that others will receive revelation on my behalf, or on behalf of my family.
Members were invited to submit questions in advance about things weighing on their minds, to be addressed at stake conference. During the adult session of stake conference, the visiting general authority explained that of the 50-60 questions submitted, stake leaders prayerfully selected four. Under the guidance of the Spirit, they chose members of the stake to wrestle with these questions–as if they were being asked by a friend. They were invited to come up to the stand and explain what they found, then the congregation asked followup questions or added their own ideas.
Two of the questions/responses demonstrated the power of personal authority and experience to generate not only revelation, but also provide a witness of truth.
“My child has chosen to not participate in church anymore. I feel like a bad parent. How do I maintain a relationship with both the church and my child?” The sister assigned to respond had real depth of personal experience with this topic. It was something she had obviously worked hard to understand for many years. She had siblings who left the church for many decades and only recently returned, and grown children who have recently left the church. Her response to the question was passionate and moving and felt truly inspired. She spoke with personal authority on a topic she intimately understood. Her inspired words also brought out some great comments from the congregation.
Similarly, the question “How do I keep attending church when I feel like I don’t belong or have real friends there, and my sins are many?” was addressed powerfully by a young brother who spoke from a wealth of personal experience–leaving the church at 18 and joining the military. Spending years watching his friends struggle with addictions and failed relationships helped him learn what he didn’t want for himself. He returned to church activity and eventually served a mission. It was obvious that going to church while feeling out of place there was something he had personal experience with. Even though he was probably under 30 years old, his response was authentic and moving.
The other two questions demonstrated how our personal experience can also limit revelation.
A husband and wife were asked about how to handle the many demands of family life, church responsibilities, careers, etc., without getting overwhelmed. While I enjoyed what they had to say, they spoke from their own experience, which was limited to a married couple who both agreed on a faith tradition and how they would practice it. Over 50% of the members of the church are NOT in a relationship like this. The visiting GA even asked them directly, “What advice would you give to someone who is a single parent, or whose spouse was not supportive?” It was obvious they hadn’t thought about it from any other perspective but their own and they struggled to respond when put on the spot.
Sister X was asked to respond to the question, “What am I supposed to take from the scriptures as a woman, when the scriptures were written by men, about men, for men? How do I apply them to myself?” Sister X was honest, saying, “This is not a question I’ve ever really thought about before,” and it was evident in her response, which I found to be mostly platitudes and unsatisfying. I could tell she hadn’t spent years grappling with this. Certainly, it can be a good exercise to wrestle with the questions of others–ones that you don’t struggle with–but I could feel on a visceral level the limitations of this approach.
I had many thoughts I wanted to share on the last topic, having been a student of the scriptures since starting seminary at 14, and teaching seminary for a decade, but I was leading the music, seated on the stand. The visiting GA had his back to me, so would never see my hand raised. I didn’t feel right about walking up to the mic while someone else was already standing there. This question was not assigned to me and I was in a position where I didn’t feel like I could lend my voice and experience to try to answer it. It was frustrating. I’m grateful to Sister X for her honesty, and found it difficult to be mad at her for her less-than-satisfying answers when she only had a week to think about it. I was tempted to shift my frustration to those who organized the meeting, but before I got too far with that, the Lord gave me my own personal learning opportunity.
My take-aways from stake conference:
God’s ability to answer our questions is constrained by our limitations. Things like how much work I’ve done trying to answer a question, and what resources I’ve turned to–both of which are influenced by the culture I am surrounded by. Certain resources may be off-limits based on the thought processes, experiences, or social status handed to me as a youth (or adult). (See Doctrine and Covenants 1:24-28.)Sometimes God wants me to just listen and observe–not get up and talk. God can teach me in many ways, including by watching and listening. If that’s frustrating for me, I should confront myself about that before getting upset at anyone else. If God can teach me in many ways, I can trust God to teach others in many ways, too. The answers to the sister’s question about the scriptures are out there and God will help her find them. I don’t have to be the one to answer her question; it’s not all on me. [Hello, oldest child in a large family!]Because of the above, I will not always understand or agree with revelation that others receive–even leaders. More often than I realized, the answers are just as personal as the question. If my ability to receive revelation for myself is limited, certainly my ability to receive revelation for others is even moreso, even if I have “stewardship” over them. With the challenges to effectively receive revelation for someone else, where do I draw the line with other people receiving revelation for me? How do we work together in a cohesive way within a church where some people are allowed (expected), to receive revelation for the group, and others feel helpless to get answers to their very real, very personal questions?
All of this got me thinking about how revelation works and my own expectations. How reasonable is it to think that someone who is asking a question that is not their own will get thorough answers from God? If our leaders are searching for answers to questions they are not personally asking (if they are asking questions that other people have, and not ones they have a personal, vested interest in), how much meaning can their revelation hold? (The design of women’s garments being a perfect example of this.) What are the limits of finding answers to questions that affect others, but not the one doing the asking?
While I have areas of struggle, one of the things I love about my church is the combination of top-down / bottom-up revelation. We have a strong top-down organization, with a clear chain of command and expectations of sustaining our leaders. But we ALSO counsel members against blind obedience. We are often told to obtain our own revelation about what church leaders are saying. We are taught to seek personal revelation from a young age and be actively engaged in doing good, and are given the gift of the Holy Ghost at 8 years-old to facilitate this. We truly believe in the ability and desire of God to speak into the lives of Their individual children. Many of the worldwide church programs we love today began because someone on the local level saw a need and did something. Women were inspired to organize the Relief Society. Organizations for children and seminary began as local efforts before being adopted church-wide.
Navigating the intersection of the top-down / bottom-up revelatory processes is a feature of our church that I think we would benefit from recognizing and discussing more than we do. It is fertile ground for coming to understand God, and each other, better. The work of reconciling these different experiences seems to me to be a vital part of building Zion.
I don’t know what the visiting general authority intended to teach us with this approach, but I know what the Spirit taught me, and I am certain that it is both rooted in, and limited by, my own experience.
The most valuable thing Vicki learned from her Master’s Degree in Sports Medicine is that she can do hard things. Bypassing a career in Sports Medicine, she spent 2.5 decades raising her four children with her husband. To keep from getting bored, she started several nonprofits and raised money for local schools’ performing arts and science programs, as well as teaching seminary for ten years. She now works in the non-profit sector trying to solve the housing crisis so her grown children can move out someday, while managing political campaigns on the side.
