Guest Post: Thoughts on Repentance
by SG Davis
I sat in Sunday School – reluctantly. I had come to realize that church was hard for me. I frequently left feeling empty and frustrated. I had not heard much about Jesus, love, hope, empowerment in living in a long time. And I recognize that for some, the current tone of Sunday School is good.
I thoughtfully decided to attend today with my daughter. My reasons make sense to me and I will leave it at that.
Mid-lesson – another on the lost 116 pages – had come to a point of a section of verses talking about the adversary, the ever present and paradoxically elusive Satan. As I listened to fellow congregation members share some thoughts about how real Satan is and that we need to teach the youth that he is indeed real. And, it’s not good that there are those who do not believe Satan is real. I wrestled with my hand going slightly up, and then down again. I looked at my friend next to me and she said, “just say it.” So, up my hand went.
My thoughts were focused on agency. We are free to act or be acted upon. Why are we not talking about how empowered we are with our agency? We can choose, and we can learn from our choices. This lesson was hitting me differently today – what if we can look to the lesson as a reminder to follow our personal revelation? Sometimes, we can’t go back and redo to make things better. What if God is teaching us that we can pick ourselves up, acknowledge our choice, and move forward choosing differently? Could that be a lesson here? What if we empowered our youth with their agency? What if we teach them that Satan only has power if you give it to him – if you do not consciously act and you are acted upon? We can be empowered by actively using our agency.
The teacher acknowledged this, stating we will talk more about personal revelation in a few weeks.
As the lesson progressed, I began to wonder why we are spending time talking about 116 lost pages and how it was so hard because of Satan. Is this really helping me in my day-to-day life? How will this discussion edify me and provide me with strength to carry on in this real-time history we are living in?
The lesson continued and after a comment was shared, the teacher asked, ‘what is the prophet telling us to do today?’
A hand went up. “Repent.”
Another voice followed and repeated, “he’s telling us to repent just like Joseph was telling the people.”
My heart sank. I noticed a few heads go down.
Thankfully, the teacher added that there is a message of love. But, that was it and onward the lesson went.
In my thoughts, I was wondering,
“Repent of what? Why isn’t there a message of love? Of lifting where we stand? Of being aware of those in our communities and supporting how we can? Why is an institution that claims to teach of Jesus Christ not encouraging it’s members to be actively engaged in their communities? To be present with those most vulnerable? To let go of insisting that we all see the world the same way and making sure people have food, safe shelter, and health care? Am I missing something?”
Why are we sitting in a church building on Sunday talking about 116 lost pages and how much power an unseen devil has over us? Why are we actively handing over our innate power to think and make sense of things for ourselves? Why are we, in some senses, wallowing in how hard it is instead of actively ministering to those around us? Damn the differences and diversity. If we cannot treat each other with the dignity of being human, what are we repenting of?
So, I return to my initial question: Repent of what?
I didn’t raise my hand this time. I sat with my thoughts. I left church very unsettled. I long for messages of a loving Christ, of meeting people where they are, of prioritizing people and good principles over policy and divided views. I long for community that has room for me and all of the ways my life does not meet the checklist of “righteousness and blessings.”
I awoke the next morning with new thoughts.
Are we all speaking of repentance with a common definition? My hunch is that we are not. I have found that in many Sunday School settings, repentance carries a heavy feeling and command to follow the prophet, go to church, pay tithing, attend the temple, clean the church, etc. There is a common belief of a real separation from God when we don’t fall in line. (I don’t believe that from my own experiences with the divine.)Is it any type of repentance without reflection, inquiry, and a decision to change in, of, and for oneself? Will it be a change for optics? Will it be a change for transformation?What would happen if we stopped in lessons and defined repentance and provided examples of what it might look like in our lives?What if we looked at the word repentance in different languages and the definition and usage? Estonian has two different words that early missionaries disagreed on when we were using early translations of discussions. One word means a change of mind, the other means a change of heart.What if the repentance we are asked to engage in is a return to acting as Jesus did? Where did he spend most of his time and with who? Was he calling them to repentance and telling them loudly how horrible they were if they were not in church, paying their tithing, etc.? Was he talking to them as a person? How did he treat them? The woman at the well? The invitation to the disciples? Mary Magdalene? How do I see and feel Jesus in my life?What if repentance is coming back into alignment with god, with our divinity, with our inner knowing?What if it’s simply doing better when we know better?What if repentance is changing how we live and show up in relationships to move toward more active listening? Learning to love in different and deeper ways? Awakening to a remembrance of who we are and that we are empowered and endowed with the capacity and ability to learn and to grow? That we can change our minds, hearts, and behavior (with practice) when we have new and different understandings?What if the invitation to repentance is a call to engage with our communities, to add our voice to changes in policies that care for the real needs of our vulnerable populations?What if the invitation to repent is a call to analyze our mindsets and to release the fear?
SG Davis is sometimes walking confidently and sometimes wandering haphazardly through her midlife awakening and transformation. She is a human, a woman, a mother, an educator, a coach, and encourage of all things good.
