When parents grieve their disabled child.
Content warning: ableism, suicide, death
This is from the audiobook of a chapter of my memoir, Say Hello – the chapter is called “Grief (and hope)”. It’s a long piece of audio, but please stick with it, and share.
It’s about the impact of parental grief on me and other disabled people. I thank the people who allowed me to quote them, Caroline, Deborah, Ally and Rebekah; and of course I am thankful for the work of the many disabled people I mention in the chapter (and beyond the book). I’m passionate about amplifying & prioritising disabled voices.
I guarantee you, a disabled woman speaking out about her grief – or pride – about being disabled, and the impact of receiving a diagnosis (albeit met with relief or sadness or both) would not receive the attention and praise that a male parent of a disabled child gets when speaking out about the grief for their disabled child.
Often non disabled parents of disabled kids are prioritised in the media, often talking about grieving their disabled kids.If me speaking out about this issue makes you uncomfortable- good. That’s my intention. Sit with it. Read other pieces by me on this topic: on vicarious trauma; and parents over-sharing their disabled kids online. Read from other disabled people too. It’s imperative if you want to be an ally.
You can purchase Say Hello at bookstores and online. It’s available in paperback, ebook, audiobook (read by me here) and large print on demand – in Australia and world wide. It can be borrowed from Australian libraries.
Apology: when Say Hello was published in 2019, I mentioned two people in this chapter who have since transitioned. Their names are now Yenn Purkis and Fin Leary. I apologise that their previous names are in the paperback, ebook and audiobook recording. I also used the term “finding my tribe” which I acknowledge is problematic. In hindsight, I should have written “finding my community.”
Making this recording took a long time – especially captions. If this post has helped you be a better ally, or you will use it in your work, please consider buying me a drink – PayPal.me/CarlyFindlay. Thank you.
Video: a screen recording of Say Hello audiobook – featuring a woman with red face and short dark curly hair, smiling. She’s wearing a pink floral top and bright orange skirt. Her hand is on her hip. Curly orange text reads “Say Hello”, and black text reads “Carly Findlay
How I became the fangirl of my own story – a memoir and manifesto on difference, acceptance, self love and belief”. Below it is a pink speech bubble with black captions – the captions are the audio.
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