A Child Is Not a Retirement Plan
There’s a common saying that many of us teach to younger women: “A man is not a financial plan.” Meaning, a woman needs to be able to take care of herself, in some fashion, because she can’t and shouldn’t rely on having a man to take care of her. He may die or divorce her. He may not be able to support a family alone. He may never even show up in the first place.
Along those same lines, too many people’s retirement plans involve moving in with their children or involve the expectation that children (daughters, really) will become caregivers in or out of the home in old age or will be the ones providing the emotional labor of selecting and arranging for a nursing home if that becomes necessary.
As I’m approaching middle age without the children I wanted to have, I’m faced with the reality that I need to figure out what will happen to me when I can’t take care of myself anymore. Even if I do get a chance to have children, I don’t want to burden them with the need to care for me while they’re also trying to take care of themselves and possibly their own children. A child is not a retirement plan.
Realistically, I probably have at least 50 more years left on this earth. My family lives long. I have 27 years left before I can collect my full pension from my job (and I thank my lucky stars I even have one; until I started my current job 3 years ago, I was planning on having to work until the day I died). I don’t know how many of those years will be spent in good health and how many will be spent in poor health. And society doesn’t have conversations for what happens to unmarried and/or childless people. I have no nieces or nephews, which is the oft-touted “solution” to childlessness in the church.
I joined AARP a couple of months ago because a friend recommended it to me for the discounts on restaurants and such. You don’t have to be retired or even close to retirement age to join; anyone can. The book section recommended several books on aging alone. I have a few on order and I’m going to get to reading once they arrive. Hopefully I’ll be able to get some useful information there.
In a society where many people do not have a partner or a child, there needs to be more of a conversation on how to plan for the eventuality of incapacity. Even people who do have children need to plan for what to do. There’s no guarantee that one’s adult children will be able to provide assistance.
Maybe once I figure out a few answers, I can propose a fifth Sunday lesson topic or a weeknight Relief Society meeting. What plans do you all have for old age? I’m open to ideas!
