Zombie Apocalypse, Revisited
The headlines in the past two weeks have had people concerned. Well, okay, not most people, but the niche crowd of sci-fi/fantasy fans who follow shows like Game of Thrones and Walking Dead, aka “My People.”
I’m not really cool enough to hang with that crowd, but somehow having written two monster mash-up books involving blood, guts, zombies, and slaying has gained me admission. Suddenly, I have street cred with the apocalypse crowd. Yay me!
So the recent headlines, involving one man eating another man’s face, and another guy shipping body parts across the country, and yet a third man, a cage fighter, going a little ragey and ripping out the heart of an opponent have caused a stir, and people who consider such things in the first place are suddenly saying “The zombie apocalypse is coming! Maybe it’s really real!” And they only seem to be half joking.
What’s causing the stir? Apparently, bath salts. Yes, bath salts. But not the bath salts that come to mind for most of us. Months ago, the news started warning parents that kids were getting high on bath salts and we all said “What? Some stupid kids will do anything to get high!” And the media, enjoying the opportunity to get us all worked up once again, left it at that.
We all thought there was going to be a potential rush on Bath and Body Works. Oh no, bath salts! Now I won’t be able to buy my favorite body products without going through a security check. [image error]
But the fact is that the “Bath Salts” that some people use to get high are not actual bath products at all, but a designer drug known colloquially as “bath salts.” Don’t lock up your body scrub. No one is looking to snort your Mr. Bubble. There is no zombie apocalypse. People getting high on “bath salts” apparently suffer major hallucinations and mental problems and that accounts for some of the recent news reports. [image error]
Let’s all breathe a sigh of relief. But I started watching The Walking Dead, in case I can learn something. And I have to say that I am enjoying the ride, letting the story unfold, and trying not to ask too many questions– but I am fairly stumped if I stop to think about it. How is humanity so quickly overpowered by brain-dead, slow-moving, decaying creatures?[image error]
It had to have happened quickly, because it mostly all unfolded from minor situation to major apocalyptic crisis while our lead character Rick was in a coma. It’s never explained how long Rick was in a coma, but it couldn’t have been long because a) he wakes without medical care, yet he hasn’t starved to death or seemingly suffered any unfortunate and icky bed-soiling issues and b) he can walk after a few stumbling steps.
We’re talking a matter of weeks, tops, before zombies outnumber humans by 5 to 1. Even outnumbered and in need of occasional rest and refueling, I can’t see live, able humans letting the walking dead get that much of a jump on us. How could it happen? In epic proportions? They don’t have functional brains!
And as the series unfolds, it all seems even more implausible. But no spoilers. Still, fun show: yes. Zombie Apocalypse: never going to happen. And if I’m wrong, you can remind me later and we’ll all have a good laugh as we’re banding together to try to stay alive.
Did you know that “bath salts” were not really bath salts? Have the recent news reports of cannibalism and mutilation frightened you? Do you have a survival plan for the zombie apocalypse? Do you believe in zombies as a potential threat? Are you a fan of the Walking Dead?
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