What’s the Difference Between a Patriarchal Blessing and Fortune Telling?
If I asked my LDS friend to go with me to have our fortunes read – palm reading, tarot cards, a crystal ball – they’d most likely laugh. Someone, usually a woman, claiming clairvoyance and a connection to things beyond or world? Ridiculous. Belief in someone’s claims to authority bestowed as an unasked-for gift? Please. Vague predictions that could apply to just about anyone, but given in a spiritual setting to the emotionally vulnerable? Give me a break!
Yet, a patriarchal blessing is all of these things, except led by a man who claims to get his authority from God. His hands are his instrument, but we know Joseph Smith used a seer stone in a hat, so would utilizing an object be so outrageous? You don’t pay for a patriarchal blessing, of course, but you do tithe in money and the patriarch receives increased respect, authority, and influence for his efforts.
My patriarchal blessing meant a great deal to me at one time in my life. I received it after the death of my father, before I would experience an incredible bout of depression, and as I was starting a new chapter of my life. Priesthood authority felt so significant at that time because I was convinced that my home suffered from its absence. Really, I mourned the absence of my father, but that’s a whole different post. At this vulnerable time, I needed God to speak to me and direct me. I recall the blessing feeling so personal, although vague and heavily open to interpretation.
A recent reminder of patriarchal blessings, after not thinking about mine for many years, offered a new perspective. I recognize that these blessings are a sacred experience for many and most patriarchs are entirely earnest and sincere, so I’ve wrestled with voicing my criticisms. And, honestly, that’s the cornerstone of benevolent patriarchy: convincing all participants that the good outweighs the bad and that dissent is harmful.
At this stage of my life it surprised me to discover that a patriarchal blessing, something I’d always viewed as fairly sweet and benign, is actually problematic. The man giving the blessing is imbued with authority and generally older than the recipient. He tends toward an air of wise, yet humble, but especially wise. Latter-day Saints encourage people to get blessings when they are young and impressionable so that this can be the most impactful. This power imbalance all allows the patriarch leeway to give speeches filled with scriptures and admonitions, even to virtual strangers. He speaks with immediate intimacy and foreshadows potential problems with blessings, patiently explaining why blessings can even often appear similar without individual revelation. He cautions about blessings being roadmaps and not fortunes. He even reminds participants that blessings can be for this life or the next (covering all bases). And then the blessing begins.
And what’s the harm in a lovely blessing, really? Quite a bit, actually. At a vulnerable moment in someone’s life, an authority figure, usually older, proceeds to give a blessing that advises the individual on how to be the ideal LDS person and gives promises primarily related to performing Mormonism correctly to continue the mission of the Church. The blessing is not generally that individualized, is purposefully vague, and prescribes a very limited way of living. While the LDS Church supposedly values choice and agency, experiences like this emphasize how there is really only one good choice and makes all others literally not of God.
It would be one thing if most blessings simply encouraged people to live good lives by following Jesus, serving others, seeking justice, being merciful, pursuing their talents, loving others, valuing family, bettering their communities, caring for the less fortunate, etc. Those guide you in what you should seek to become with your choices. That is beautiful and inspiring. But blessings that tell someone to go on a mission, get married in the temple, have children, etc., (and then say maybe not in this life) are spiritually limiting, manipulative, and, frankly, a missed opportunity to truly inspire people to listen to their own spiritual guide.
And then there’s your patriarchal lineage through the twelve tribes of Israel. This is another way to remind our children that priesthood lines all and authority all come through men (even though mom has the priesthood too!) It also tells us what our job is as part of that (man’s) tribe. Remind me again why kids aren’t encouraged to trace the priesthood genealogy through their mother’s line when learning about family? But I digress…
Honestly, at this point in my life, I am more open to a friend who offers an intuitive reading or gathers some tarot cards to pull than I am to a patriarchal blessing. In this scenario, they offer no grand authority or promises. I have no obligation to them and there’s no expectation that they’ll benefit from my actions. Instead, it’s a gift they give to inspire, heal, offer hope, and maybe needed guidance. What I receive from the reading is often based on my own experience, emotional state, and current needs. No strings attached.
While fortune telling has certainly been connected to fraud (as have religious healers), what makes their belief in a connection to the supernatural so different than a belief that men can receive a special gift to know God’s will for individuals? It’s not the payment because the Church is “paid” in volunteer hours, mission calls, temple workers, tithing, and people who unfailingly wait for their promised blessings to be fulfilled in this life or the next, no matter the sacrifices.
Ultimately, if we really want our children to be strong individuals who choose for themselves, patriarchal blessings disrupt this process. In many ways, they serve as a safeguard against choice. I often find myself asking why God needs so many intermediaries to speak with us. Why is God’s voice filtered so often through men? I would rather my children learn to listen to the spirit and speak to God directly for promptings and revelation.
