The Serial Ward Creeper
Photo by Ben White on Unsplash
During this month that boasts a holiday focused on love and relationships I found myself reflecting on LDS dating which then led to me thinking about the serial ward creeper of my youth. I have a feeling most of us have a ward creeper story and if you’re open to sharing, I’d like to hear about yours so we can compare red flags and hopefully help some of the LDS youth of today avoid having experiences like this.
It’s not easy to date as an LDS teen and it’s definitely not easy to figure out how to navigate romance. In my youth, our young women’s group saw romance through the lens of the movies we watched together like “The Princess Bride” and “The Cutting Edge” but also through the lens of eternal companions and the couple from Saturday’s Warriors. To say we weren’t exactly seeing reality modeled is an understatement.
Admit it if it’s true, you’d loudly sing along to Feelings of Forever from Saturday’s Warrior while dreaming about your eternal companion too.
Todd: I’ve seen that smile somewhere before.
Julie: I’ve heard your voice before.
Both: It seems we’ve talked like this before.
Todd: Sometime, who can be certain when?
Julie: But if I knew you then…It’s strange, I can’t remember.
Both: Feelings come so very strong, like we’ve known each other oh, so long.
Todd: The circle of our love is found
Both: In every warm and tender thing
Todd: In God’s eternal plan
Julie: it goes
Todd: forever.
Photo by frank mckenna on Unsplash
Was I naive to believe that I could have an experience like this? Yes. Yes I was. I imagine a lot of us thought we’d hear a voice and somehow the veil would become thin enough for us to almost remember each other from the pre-existence. Judging from how popular it was, a lot of the young men also held the same naive belief. Coupling that naivete with the concept of personal revelation complicates romance for some youth.
A young man who started attending stake dances became quite infatuated with a young woman in my home ward. He began showing up occasionally on Sundays to join Sunday School and before long he was regularly in attendance. The young woman had not welcomed his attention and let him know that she wasn’t interested in dating him. He then showed up at her front door dressed as the Phantom of the Opera thinking it was romantic. When she told me about it I thought of the kidnapping scene as Christine is led to the dungeons of the theatre. When that “romantic” gesture didn’t give him the results he expected, he showed up in fast and testimony meeting. He stood at the pulpit and proclaimed that Heavenly Father revealed to him that he was meant to marry this person. Since the young man refused to accept that the young woman was not interested in marrying or dating him, an Elder in the ward pulled him aside in the foyer and asked that he please leave the young woman alone and not return to the ward again. He was rarely seen after that but rumors swirled that he continued to find his eternal companion over and over again in numerous wards.
Photo by Erika Giraud on Unsplash
Manipulation can be difficult to recognize in secular settings but I find it to be especially difficult to recognize when it’s used in religious settings. When it’s used in a religious setting and involves 2 people with a power imbalance, it feels scary to me. That’s what I felt when I heard that young man proclaim Heavenly Father revealed the eternal plan for him and the young woman he terrorized. There was also the smallest but noticeable thought in my mind of “what if he’s right though and she’s not able to recognize it?” I pushed that thought away but found myself wondering when exactly priesthood holders/men can get revelation for others. I was taught that priesthood leaders can receive revelation for women because of stewardship. Bishops for their ward members, male spouses for their wives, and father’s for their children. The most logical reason would be once they are married or set apart in their calling.
I’ve read accounts of Joseph Smith’s proposals to numerous wives containing revelation. Eliza Partridge writes “”While [living with Joseph Smith] he taught to us the plan of Celestial marriage and asked us to enter into that order with him. This was truly a great trial for me, but I had the most implicit confidence in him as a Prophet of the Lord and not but believe his words, and as a matter of course accept of the privilege of being sealed to him as a wife for time and all eternity. . . . Times were not then as they are now in 1877, but a woman living in polygamy dare not let it be known, and nothing but a firm desire to keep the commandments of the Lord could have induced a girl to marry in that way. I thought my trials were very severe in this line, and I am often led to wonder how it was that a person of my temperament could get along with it and not rebel. But I know it was the Lord who kept me from opposing his plans, although in my heart I felt I could not submit to them. But I did, and I am thankful to my Heavenly Father for the care he had over me in those troublous times.”[246]”
I cannot imagine what it felt like to be in this position but I worry that there’s a young woman who once opened a door to the phantom of the opera who might.
Do you ever get confused on if it’s a matter of faith or a matter of “run” and how do you combat doubt? Submit a guest post.
