Mean Bones

Forum: Communication with ADHD

Even though, I'm not feeling exceptionally generous at the moment, I wanted to share something that I just noticed the other day. I hope, I can convey this in a way that will actually make sense. It actually does make sense to me, but I know, not e everyone thinks like me.

The other day, my SO was getting ready to leave for work, and in a passing comment said "I'm feeling mean". I immediately made a comment back saying " well, I couldn't tell? ". That's not sarcasm, she was being quite agreeable and showed no signs of being "mean". I complimented in fact, for being so nice considering how she felt.

This is where I may lose people but this is just how my mind works.

How can a person feel "mean" ?  Seriously. "Mean" is not an adjective that describes a feeling? Maybe in Blues Song...."I woke up this morning, feeling mean...". "Mean Woman Blues..." etc.

Even if you try to Google "describe mean as a feeling". You get no real answer.

There is an expression that says "he doesn't have a mean bone in his body " ....which relates mean to your body, which is where feelings come from.

But can a "bone" be "mean" ? No, thats ridiculous bones are not mean.

But, people can be mean. As in, "mean spirited".

If you look up mean behavior, you get:

Saying or doing hurtful things

Lacking empathy for others

Being stingy or ungenerous

Being petty or malicious

Being offensive, selfish and unaccommodating

Wanting to do harm to others

Where I'm going with this has to do with people who have ADHD and how they get in the morning. I believe, this is what was happening with my SO....as I've read testimonials of people with ADHD describing what they feel like first thing in the morning.

You might even say, in context to that expression,  she has mean bones in the morning....which also makes absolutely no sense what so ever. 

Why this is interesting to me is what I just read about this. About 80% of people with ADHD are like this in the morning.  That leaves 20% who are not. Of those 20%....a common feeling in the morning is saddness...which I fall right in line with.

I never feel mean, or angry in the morning....which is why this is so interesting.  Saddness yes. Mean no.

And to be fair, I recognize the effort my SO was making.  Despite feeling "mean"...she wasn't acting that way. She wasn't doing anything on that list if behaviors....despite feeling mean...even though in the past...she has behaved that way at times.

I see that as effort of her part...in trying to get along. Also, in awareness....for actually saying what she was feeling even if it doesn't actually fit to a feeling at all. The bottom line was....I couldn't tell.