how do you manage memory issues in the relationship?

Forum: Communication with ADHD

Hello all! I am new to this site and the non-ADHD partner in my relationship. My (recently diagnosed) ADHD partner has a difficult time remembering things I tell him, I think because he is either distracted and not paying attention, or because he is listening on a superficial level and not really making meaning of what I am saying. He often doesn't ask questions even when he isn't fully tracking or would need more details/context to have a perspective. This could be about logistical stuff, but it causes the most problems when I want to share personal stories from my life. I find it hurtful when it feels like he doesn't know me well or try to know me well, and he feels bad about it but seems to feel it is impossible to behave any differently. He has often been avoidant when it comes to talking about my life because he is afraid he will fail and it will lead to conflict. Obviously this causes distance between us and is miserable. I know he wants it to be better and we need ideas!

I'm curious if anyone else experiences this, and if so, do you have a system or process you use to improve memory and/or deal with memory issues as they crop up? Thank you so much for reading!