Both sides now

Forum: Anger, Frustration & ADHD

Hello, I haven't been on this board for a LONG time.  But I had been very frequent writer here for years.  This site has been a big help for me to have a place to come and write out my venting and challenges with my ADHD husband.  In January of 2024 he died unexpectedly.  I was in denial and didn't trust my thoughts or feelings.  I didn't know what I thought or how I felt other than confused and gob-smacked.  We had been married for 50 years.

I wanted to write something with insight of someone my age and situation. Yesterday I went through some boxes of old memorabilia (I'm trying to clean and disperse with a lot of stuff).  Here is something real I can share that I know. When I look at pictures of him/us before we married, I gut-feel all the love I had for him and all the trust I had in myself then. It feels good and real and right.  I am still in love with that young guy. When I look at the early photos and letters/cards I kept as keepsakes, I can forgive myself for being where I was/am. When I look at pictures of him and me after we were married for a short time I see the strain in my eyes remembering the daily tears. 

I have no words of wisdom yet.  This is just a "Hi".  I will try to find a perspective to share.  But I wanted to check in and say to you all..... "You weren't dumb to have been in love.  It really was there at one time. Things change. People change."

I am going to put newly framed photos of him as that young guy in my house...not that old guy who caused so much disappointment.  Photos where we were both truly smiling in our eyes. The love WAS there then.  

I have 2 children and 2 grandchildren - what a blessing to have people to love.