Communication bridge is just not there…

Communication with ADHD

Hi, I have two sons, one son and my husband have been diagnosed with ADHD (my husband later in life)…I found this forum by chance because I was googling what to do when you just have such lack of communication…it’s like we are both on cliff edges with a bridge between to help us and he just won’t get on it, or I have to continuously go over the bridge to him.

I can’t bring any of my feelings or thoughts up without him:

Listening but not contributing

Being sarcastic or demeaning

Twisting it or throwing it back in my face I.e “you say you feel unheard, well I can be that too, I feel unheard”

He is also using alcohol as a coping mechanism (at points), so have had the odd nasty name calling text come through.

He’s starting a new job tomorrow after 6 months of not working, he’s gone internal, I get that, it’s hard….but we have to discuss child school drop off as I also work 3 days. We have no village around us, we can’t find childcare, I want to talk about it as a team, but he just says ‘there’s no options’ even though I have suggested one that means the responsibility of school drop off falls mainly on me, but two of the ten would need to be his. He just won’t talk about it. He moans he has no clothes for his new job, but won’t buy them or let me help. He says he wants to get fit by biking (we only have one car), so I send links to waterproof items and bike lights, he hasn’t done anything about it, again, I ask if he would like me to help?

There is just so much more then this and it has been a decade and a half and I want to empathise and care and be mindful, but my bucket is empty and I feel like I am bursting with resentment, which is not healthy for me or us….but my feelings and thoughts have no place to go :(

Grateful for any thoughts, connections or advice….