Reflecting on 2024
(Nimue)
My overwhelming feeling looking back over the last year is one of gratitude. It hasn’t been an easy year by any stretch of the imagination. There have been all kinds of challenges, practical, economic, emotional. I’ve dealt with all kinds of setbacks. Looming larger than all the rest was my partner Keith’s run-in with cancer last winter. He got through that amazingly well and has made a complete recovery – these are reasons for deep gratitude, but not the only ones.
My life has improved dramatically during this year. My physical and mental heath are much better – I continue to struggle with assorted things but it is all a lot more manageable, and no longer seriously undermining my quality of life. Much of this is due to the reduced amount of stress in my life. Again there’s a lot I am grateful for here.
It isn’t the amount of challenge in life that was the root cause of the stress – having a partner dealing with cancer is an exceedingly stressful thing to go through. What’s made all the difference is how we handle that. Keith and I have only been together for a couple of years and we’re actively co-creating a relationship that is entirely different from anything either of us has been part of before. Mutual care and support is at the heart of what we do, everyday.
The real game changer for me this year has been this process of working collaboratively to jointly tackle whatever issues come along. We look for the best in every day, we make what good we can, seek what joy there is and weather the storms together. Massive challenges become a lot more manageable on these terms, as we quite literally hold each other through the things we each struggle with.
Half of this is about stepping up to give, and the other half is about being vulnerable enough to let the other person give in turn. We’ve both had a lot to learn about asking for help and care. It’s been a transformative journey for both of us. As we are both people who need to feel useful and we are both driven to help, being able to take care of each other in meaningful ways has been significant for us both.
This last year has brought so much music – with Jessica Law and the Outlaws, Keith and I playing as a duo, and our feral folk choir Carnival of Cryptids. I’ve got the violin back after years of not being able to play. I’ve had some amazing work opportunities and been involved in some fantastic projects, and have felt more inspired around my own writing than ever before. I feel confident about where I want to go from here and how I want to change moving forward.
Despite the difficulties, it has been the happiest year of my life. I’m deeply grateful to be in a place where I know what brings me joy and how to have that reliably. I feel incredibly blessed and fortunate.
