How do we challenge hatred?

(Nimue)

In recent years we’ve seen a rise in the intentional radicalising of young men. Straight, white young men particularly. It’s something that has long worried me, and that is tremendously complicated.

Part of the point of feminism is challenging the expectation that women exist to make men feel comfortable and good about themselves. We need men to feel badly enough about rape and abuse that they don’t go in for those things. However, this is being weaponised to encourage lads to feel like they are the real victims in an uncaring world that has nothing good to offer them.

Partly that’s true. All of our young people are facing a grim future. They can’t expect decent jobs, or to be able to afford a home of their own. Climate chaos will dominate their lives. War, hatred, fear and the threat of violence impacts on them all. They aren’t reliably being taught critical thinking skills, or how to tell good information from rubbish. They do not know who to trust or what to believe in, and this makes them incredibly vulnerable to people who would willingly turn them into haters and aggressors.

There are no simple answers here, or quick solutions, but at the same time this is not an issue we can afford to ignore. This is not something any of us should decide is someone else’s responsibility.

When we post online we have no idea who sees our content, and little idea how it impacts. The jokes we make, the criticism we offer, the judgements, the ridicule, the devaluing of specific groups of people – all this can help make it easier for the shittiest people out there to prey on unhappy young people. I understand the need to vent – the frustration, misery, pain, fear and bitter experience that underpins some of this incredibly negative posting. I don’t want to tone police anyone, I know that doesn’t help either. We need to be able to talk about the issues.

But at the same time we’ve got to find ways to talk about the issues without helping the worst people out there to fill young humans with hate. I know full well that the far right loves to blame the left for this radicalisation process – they claim it happens because we are too woke, not giving fair attention to privileged kids, not soothing them enough. I do not believe that hatred is a natural reaction to compassion, nor that asking for rights for everyone is bound to feel threatening to those who have privilege.

So, how do we change this conversation? How do we help all young people feel like they are going to be the solution, not part of the problem? How do we engage and encourage without pandering to a patriarchal system? How do we call people out in ways that might encourage them to do better rather than making them double down? How do we convince people that they are better than this, capable of more, and that oppression hurts everyone? Almost no one wins in oppressive systems, but the attraction of feeling superior to someone else seems to be remarkably persuasive. The illusion of being a winner in an oppressive system lures in enables who are likely themselves to also become victims.

Right now I have more questions than answers, but I feel this is essential territory to wade into.