that time i started a serial memoir

KODAK Digital Still Camera

i’m not sure what i started these memoirs for. i mean, i was kinda a little bit drunk when i wrote the first one.
but now, as i fight invisibility, i think maybe it was one of my selves inside wanting to be seen. i often write about myself, but i avoid certain topics for fear of being vulnerable & /or sobering up & realizing i exposed myself.
but really…part of me wants to be exposed.
part of me wants attention.
& then part of me is terrified of attention.
when i was a kid, there was no good attention…attention was often physically or emotionally painful.
or at least that’s how i remember it.
(i actually do remember once overhearing my parents talking about me in their bedroom, saying nice things about me behind closed doors. things that they never actually said to me….)
so these memoirs i’m doing are my way of putting myself out there seeing if i can get some of the attention i have longed for but have also been avoiding for most of my life.
i spent some time today digging through the trunk full of my journals & photos, etc. looking for photos of me to use in these memoirs

KODAK Digital Still Camera

& i started a “that time my heart was a skipping stone” to be done in four installations.
i hope y’all are enjoying reading them as much as i am enjoying writing them.
i guess you will be seeing more of me.

ps. i am re-posting stuff from here over on medium in my battle against invisibility