i am powerful

i was reading the hoodwitch’s the balance of magic
(as i write this, hole sings, “you should learn to say no” on my spotify mix)
the hoodwitch writes about the necessity of the darker side. of using hexes and destructive magic (vs. constructive magic). that everything is not always light–there is a full spectrum of magic. sometimes you have to be mean. to stand up for yourself. to destroy so you can build anew.
i have been letting my ex-husband crash at my place as he is on purpose homeless but still wants to visit his children. it was just supposed to be a through september thing…but now it is november.
he is very good at manipulating me.
i have been angry for a few months now–taking it out on everyone but him…and pretending i don’t know why i’m so pissed off.
i am pissed off.
i am being treated like a doormat.
when i told him “no more” he texted me telling me i don’t know how trapped he feels
i texted him back saying, “don’t talk to me about feeling trapped….”
i was trapped. for years. unable to leave him because i could not afford to. trapped now as he manipulates me into helping him.
trapped.
but not anymore. as i purged my yard of weeds, i imagined i was purging my life of him.
gonna hex the fuck outta that (literal) motherfucker.

ps. i thought more about the energy reader experience. usually i can tell when i’m being conned. i could not get a read on her, but i think it was because i was resisting her. she was telling me things i wasn’t sure i was ready to hear.
i will have to slow myself down & listen.

the above image is an inked self-portrait from my book the invisible exhibitionist.