Rebuttal from Cimil, Goddess Delight of the Underworld

Dearest People Pets,

Please disregard my brother’s whiny theatrics. Yes, it is true that I neglected my duties, and, because of this, we are all going to cease to exist. But I ask you, what is the purpose of living if one cannot drop everything on a whim to enjoy the fruits of the late 70’s and early 80’s? Bad perms, Chia Pets, legwarmers, Duran Duran? And surely you must understand the importance of disco dancing and tacky sitcoms with men named Isaac bearing pearly white smiles?

Anyhooo, I wouldn’t hit the panic button, yet. Suuure, the Maaskab and Obscuros are kicking our asses, but these things have a way of working themselves out.

Maybe.

Okay…maybe not.

All right! All right. We’re completely hosed. Go live your final days doing the things you’ve only dreamed of: kick the neighbor’s cat (the one that wakes you at 2 a.m.), write a romance novel—make it a funny one,though— buy that really great pair of leather pants you’ve always wanted, or eat that entire box of Twinkies. Oh yes, live the dream! The clock is ticking.

Tootles,

Cimil, Recently Retired Goddess Delight of the Underworld

P.S. Sorry about causing the end of the world.