The Vampire Contessa

What a good time we had in Barcelona in the seventies! Jamon iberico, angulas, and goose barnacles were all relatively unknown in the gourmet world then and the price was reasonable. We bought them by the kilo in the Mercat de la Boqueria after we visited the museums. We rented apartments next to the Sagrada Familia so we could study Gaudi whenever we were free.

Down to business. We were there shooting ‘Meals on Wheels’. The script required a big castle for the final scene. After exploring numerous locations, we decided on one, but the owner of the castle, a Contessa, refused to lend it to us.

After endless negotiations, the Contessa finally agreed to see me.

“What kind of person is she?” I asked our Spanish location manager.

“Oh, she looks exactly like a vampire. You will know what I mean when you see her,” he answered.

That night I was invited to the castle to have dinner with her. I arrived at the gates full of anticipation. They swung open automatically and an eerie voice on the intercom commanded,

“Come down to the end of the corridor!”

The walk towards the dining room seemed endless and I imagined two holes has been punched in my neck and blood was spurting out. I opened the heavy door to see a skinny old lady who looked exactly as the location manager described her. She extended her bony hand and I kissed it like a gentleman from the movies. She smiled. In my mind’s eye I could see the fangs!

An arrangement of cold platters was already laid out on the table.

“You must wonder why the castle is empty,” she said, “I try to avoid people now that the age of elegance has ended.”

A bottle of red wine was opened.

“Ow!” I cried, “Vintage Sierra Cantabria, Teso La Monja Toro!”

“Drink up,” she said, “I have hundreds of bottles in the cellar but no time to finish them.”

I sensed a sad undertone and said, “We all have to go sometime. All that matters is that we have lived a full life.” She nodded. After dinner she brought out an album of photos. I saw her when she was young, playing tennis in Wimbledon, posing at the pyramids, visiting the Great Wall of China and the canals of Venice.

The wine was sweet, and we laughed at each other’s stories.

“We don’t look so horrible when we get to know each other, don’t you agree?”

I nodded and bid her farewell. Permission to film was granted.

One morning while we were shooting, I met a beautiful young lady dressed in a tennis outfit at the castle. I could have sworn I had seen her somewhere before. She came towards me and said, I have come to keep you company. Granny told me you are an interesting character.”