Grief and falling away
(Nimue)
Autumn is a time when Pagans are often inclined to think of what they are letting go of. The harvest is in (in theory), the leaves are falling and we’re moving towards the winter. Most of the time I find my life doesn’t align much with these wheel of the year narratives, but right now there’s some resonance.
What we let go if isn’t always within our control. I suspect it’s much the same for trees. Those falling autumn leaves are sometimes ripped off by storms when still green. Temperatures impact on trees, it’s not all about choosing to let go. Often life obliges us to let go, whether we want to or not. Changes of all kinds bring grief. I’m also finding that grief can be an essential part of healing.
At the moment I am letting go of old and untrue stories relating to myself. We all encounter a lot of stories about who we are, and what our actions mean. That can be incredibly helpful guidance which enables us to grow and learn – if its done well. If we are given stories that crush us, invalidate bits of us, and insist on seeing the worst in us, we do not thrive. I’m conscious of the ways in which bigotry does that to entire minority groups on a daily basis.
It’s a strange sort of grief – this dealing with misleading stories and what they did to me. It’s been startling, being given new stories in which I am easy to be around, nice to live with, reasonable, undemanding and easy to understand. I’m starting to get used to myself on these terms. That adjustment process brings up grief.
It’s important to have room for all of the feelings – also something I’ve lacked in the past. One of the things I appreciate about Druidry is that there is no pressure to only feel ‘good’ or ‘positive’ emotions. To be natural is to allow your full range of feelings. Our emotions are part of our embodied existence. Philosophies and religions that reject some or all emotions as unacceptable often include elements of wanting to transcend life and deny our animal natures. I don’t see emotions as irrational, and increasingly I think there’s a big patriarchal/colonial aspect to all of this denying of feeling. As is so often the way of it, the microcosm of our lives reflects what’s around us.
It’s good to grieve over what you’ve lost and to acknowledge what has caused you pain. Having to hide pain, or pretending not to feel it for someone else’s comfort is an unjust thing. Grief invites us to be kind to our soft mammal bodies, and to seek comfort. Grief invites us to be compassionate in face of our own wounds, and each other’s losses. If we can’t feel our own grief, how can we meet anyone else’s suffering kindly?
The leaves fall away. Colour departs from the world, and the colder days will soon be here. You can celebrate, mourn, honour and love something all at the same time. The wild world in autumn has a lot to teach us on that score.
