An unintentional weight loss photo collage that indicates a symptom of ovarian cancer
CW: weight talk, shape, size, BMI, weight loss, surgery, cancer
This isn’t an intentional weight loss photo collage. This shows how much weight I’ve lost, and how my shape has changed, because of ovarian cancer. The left pic is from April 2021, the right is from today. It’s the same Oneteaspoon jumpsuitt, in size medium.
I don’t feel sick from the cancer, but the symptoms like rapid weight loss, loss of appetite, diarrhoea, heartburn, feeling full quickly, abdominal swelling and pain, and more were very inconvenient. (All symptoms other than the weight loss have gone for me, since the tests for ovarian cancer and hysterectomy.) I didn’t weigh myself prior to my diagnosis, so I don’t know how many kg I’ve lost, I can only tell by the photos. I have to weigh myself every fortnight now, and also before chemo.
It’s hard to talk about weight loss and changes in body shape and size when you have thin privilege. I’m trying to get used to my new, less curvy body. I’ve been a busty 10-12 for many years, and I regularly wear a uniform of baggy smock dresses. Now my body is very straight up and down, I don’t recognise it. I have many pairs of pyjamas that literally fall off me when I walk. I disguise baggier dresses with blazers. My boobs are still there, just much smaller.
Over many months, I tried to get answers about my bowel symptoms. Nothing came up for bowel diseases. And it was only when I was asked about all the symptoms collectively, at 4.00 am the morning after I flew in from France, that I learnt that I probably had ovarian cancer.
Read the symptoms on the Cancer Council website.
“How much weight have you lost?”, the gynaecologist asked me? I couldn’t tell him but I could show him photos from six months. He nodded. About a year earlier, a GP I’d seen when my regular one was away urged me to lose weight as he told me “my BMI was bordering on morbidly obese”. I was furious.
Of course, it’s not great to congratulate people about their weight loss at any time. It’s especially not great if it’s a result of illness. And it’s equally not great to comment on weight gain – especially if it’s the result of illness or medication.
I love this purple jumpsuit but I feel like I look like a little kid playing dress ups. I’ll get used to this new body and shape soon.
I’ve been eating as well as I can lately. I’m definitely open to home-baked cakes and pies!
Image: two photos of Carly, side by side. She’s wearing a purple jumpsuit, smiling. On the left the jumpsuit is snug. On the right, it’s baggy.
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