12 Reasons Why They Didn’t Tell You
They didn’t tell you because they didn’t want to “hurt you”. Righto, anyone heard this before?
How about these possibilities …
They knew what they were doing was wrong
They didn’t want to stop doing what they were doing
They knew you’d be pissed and they didn’t want to have to deal with uncomfortable feelings or confrontation
They liked the rush, the fantasy and momentary high
It only happened once, and they’ll never do it again
What you don’t know won’t hurt
It wasn’t really that big a deal, you’ll make it into a bigger deal
It mean’t nothing to them
They didn’t want to face their deeper fears and insecurities
They wanted to preserve their image
They felt entitled
They felt deeply ashamed
We could add loads more to this list.
These kind of cognitions, & justifications pretty much go hand in hand with most addictions, problematic sexual behaviour and integrity disorders.
So, whilst their motivation (sociopaths excluded) most likely was not intentionally to set out and destroy you it doesn’t change the fact, nor does it minimize the impact their actions have or your pain.
If anyone tries to convince you that the reason they didn’t want to tell you that they were betraying you, cheating on you etc was because they “didn’t want to hurt you” call BS, ask yourself “REALLY?”
What a crock… let’s be brutally honest, if they truly didn’t want to hurt you, they wouldn’t have done it in the first place, it’s not the knowing truth that hurts so bad, it’s what was done. They weren’t protecting you form hurt, they were protecting themselves from fallout and discomfort!
In recovery we trust actions not words–an unfaithful person in good recovery will take full accountability and ownership for their actions. They’ll call things as they are, humility and truth are evident in genuine transformation.
It doesn’t happen overnight though, it’s a S L O W process.
#addiction & intimate betrayal is a b*!
Noni & Dave XXX
