How to Cope with Imposter Syndrome
Let’s talk about Imposter Syndrome. There’s a saying, “I was today’s years old when I first learned…” fill in the blank. That’s my relationship with Imposter Syndrome (also known as imposter phenomenon and/or impostorism). Only recently did I become familiar with this term. Oh, I’d experienced it but never knew it had a name. I also didn’t have a good definition of it. If I’d been asked to guess what it meant, I would have said something similar to someone pretending to be someone they aren’t. I would have been in the ballpark but still would have struck out.
Imposter Syndrome isn’t when a person fakes to be someone they aren’t. On the contrary, it’s the opposite. It is when a person downplays their success because they don’t believe or feel it is true. The person genuinely believes any success they have isn’t real. It commonly occurs when one compares himself/herself with another person. Heed the warning to not attempt to keep up with the Joneses. But is not comparing practical? Let me explain.
Recently, I was stressing over a matter, and an associate said to me, “Well, I just wouldn’t worry about it.” I responded by telling him his comment wasn’t helpful or productive. Sure, he meant well, but it wasn’t what I needed to hear. I continued by explaining if a person has a grease fire burning on their stove if he/she doesn’t tend to it, he/she runs the risk of his/her house burning down. Mind you, this associate can be (and usually is) dense; thus, he missed the point of my analogy. He responded that he keeps a fire extinguisher in his kitchen. Totally not the point. So, I broke it down even further by using this example.
If a person was invited to dinner at a restaurant that he’d never visited, he may inquire about the attire. If he didn’t, he may show up in jeans and a tee while everyone else is in formal wear. Many people would feel uncomfortable in this situation, but it may not bother them. However, if the restaurant has a dress code and refuses to let him in, it might. Or he may shrug it off and go home. Personally, I would be a tad perturbed, especially if I was looking forward to having dinner there and all my friends were inside. I consider most of my friends to be reasonable, and I would expect them to ask me why I hadn’t inquired about the dress code before coming. It’s not an unreasonable question and could be considered due diligence. But by asking, is that not a type of comparison?
Of course, the associate disagreed. Therefore, I continued.
If a person owned a business that wasn’t doing well, it’s logical that person would attempt to figure out the cause by scrutinizing everything being done. If he still couldn’t identify the problem, he likely would look at similar businesses and their business models. If the other businesses were successful, it would be reasonable to explore how the model differed. By identifying differences, it possibly could identify mistakes or flaws in the person’s business plan. Basically, this would be a comparison for information gathering. The associate’s response was, “Well, the business I was in had protocols we followed.”
Hopefully, what I was attempting to express to this associate is better received in this post.
When I was younger and would complain that someone was better at something or was experiencing a better situation than my own, I would be chastised for making the comparison. My father would respond that there was always someone who had it worse than I did. So, to say someone had it worse, wasn’t that in itself a comparison? If so, why was it only fair to make a comparison in one direction? I get that his intention was that I should be appreciative for what I had because others weren’t as fortunate. But what was wrong with also looking at those more fortunate and questioning how one could obtain it for oneself? It’s all about perspective. And that’s where Imposter Syndrome comes in.
As writers, it is advised to never compare one’s writings to another’s. Almost always, the results never turn out well. However, that doesn’t stop writers from doing it, especially if they aren’t seeing results. This started me thinking. Maybe it’s not that comparisons are made but what is compared. For example, a new author comparing their sales to a bestselling author’s sales likely will have skewed results. However, if the less-established author compares his writing style to the more established author’s writing style, this may yield some useful information.
For example, I was used to writing a singular point of view. I found it to be my comfort zone and maintaining consistency was easy. Feedback from readers informed me that many preferred dual point-of-view (POV), or at least, it was preferred from what I was producing. I took a different look at some of the bestselling romance authors and many of them were writing dual POV. Did making that switch change who I was as a writer? No. It challenged me to grow. I did struggle at first… a lot actually. But then, I realized that readers saw more in my ability than I had. I was able to produce deeper emotional stories.
When I began writing, I labeled what I wrote as romance. I doubted my skills because I didn’t write like the authors I was reading. And I’m just going to be honest and say it, and I know it may upset some people. But I, at the time, was heavily involved in reading groups and organizations that all they did was pump out generic information. My critics’ advice was to strip my writing down to make it fit the mold of what was popular. The issue with my writing was I had gone too far in what I was writing but not far enough in what I wanted to write. Thus, my stories suffered. What I mean is I was trying to write stereotypic alpha males as heroes, bodice-ripper style female leads, and didn’t embrace the sports elements that I was subconsciously writing into the majority of my stories. I couldn’t perfect the traditional alpha because I didn’t like them. My “Alphas” were actually Sigmas. But I’d never heard of a Sigma male, and Sigmas can look a lot like Alphas. In fact, a Sigma can easily replace an Alpha. As a result, I gave my heroes too many characteristics of a Sigma to be an Alpha but not enough to be a Sigma. The other way to look at it was I didn’t give my heroes enough alpha characteristics to be an Alpha and to be a Sigma. In other words, I stuck my heroes in the middle of nowhere land. Writing Sigmas wasn’t popular, but that’s what I wanted. Plus, it was something I did well. I just didn’t believe I could do it. However, once I understood the dynamics of my own writing, I could do it more effectively. This is what is referred to as an author finding his/her voice.
Of all the stories I’d written, I noticed that readers responded to the sports romances more than any of the others. I also realized the flow and pacing of those stories came easier for me. But when it all clicked was when I tapped into my Southern storytelling roots—something that teachers had practically beaten out of me. In school, it was constantly criticized when I wrote dialogue the way people actually speak. People don’t say, “I’m going to the grocery store.” They say, “I’m fixin’ to make groceries.” When I began writing stories that were authentic to me instead of trying to be someone else (which is what Imposter Syndrome should mean), my stories sounded authentic to readers. Readers then responded positively. The lightbulb above my head lit up. I’d found my niche. I can be comfortable in what I do and how I write. Thus, anything I achieve, I achieve it.
I went all around Robin Hood’s barn to say this. Conquering Imposter Syndrome is a journey. It is a journey for authors to discover their voice and brand. Once these things are discovered, the author can become comfortable with it, and comfort is the key to overcoming Imposter Syndrome. When an author recognizes that he has a voice and a brand that he/she writes well, the Imposter Syndrome fades to nothingness. The doubt leaves because writers understand what it is they are doing and what they want to accomplish. I could never make those traditional Alpha characters work for me, therefore, I lack confidence in my stories. I cleared out the noise and wrote the hero that was in me to write, and I believe I can do a decent job writing that character.
For writers experiencing Imposter Syndrome, ask yourself what is your voice? What story do you want to tell? How do you want to tell it? Then, write that story. Comparing yourself to others won’t matter because you aren’t them and they aren’t you. They wouldn’t write a story the same as you. Any comparison would be apples to oranges.
So, that’s all I got. Do you agree or disagree? Was this post helpful? Let me know your thoughts in the comment section. If you like this post, please click the like button and share. Your feedback allows me to know the content that you want to read.
There’s more than bulls in the chutes.
My contemporary M/M paranormal sports romance, Demon Rodeo, is releasing on September 5, 2024, and is available now for preorder on Amazon. For video book trailers, visit my TikTok page. The full blurb is on my Instagram and Amazon.
Demon Rodeo is the first book in the Chasing the Buckle series but can be read as a standalone. It’s a friends-to-lovers romance set in the rodeo world. These are not your typical cowboys. It’s a widely diverse cast of characters and a mashup of genres that aren’t always seen together. If you’re looking for a palate cleanser, this may be a book for you. Also, expect a lot of goodies and giveaways.
Preorder
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Until next time, happy reading and much romance. Laissez le bon temps rouler.
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Out of the Penalty Box (book #1) One minute in the box or a lifetime out. Defending the Net (book #2) Crossing the line could cost the game. Ice Gladiators (book #3) When the gloves come off, the games begin. Penalty Kill (book #4) Let the pucker begin. Future Goals (book #5) The future lies between a puck and a net.About the Author:
Hi, I’m Genevive, and I am a contemporary sports romance author. My home is in South Louisiana. If you like snark and giggles with a touch of steamy Cajun and Creole on the side, I may have your poison in my stash of books. Drop by the bayou and have a look around. The pirogues are always waiting for new visitors.
