Criticising The Critic

I have a theory
That critics
Are failed artists
And they’re so unhappy
About their failure
They made a plan
And that plan
Was to become a critic
So that they could then
Get paid to criticise
Those they could not become
And they would then
Believe that their criticism
Was a form of art
When in fact
It was a form
Of pettiness
That’s trying to turn
The subjective
Into the objective