How to Be a Supportive Coworker

This topic came about due to a workplace situation that blew my mind in so many ways. After witnessing it, I began thinking about all the television sitcom shows that are centered around toxic fictious work environments that audiences tune in week after week to laugh about. But what if they aren’t all fake? What if workplaces like those on television do exist? It was a question I never considered until I saw with my own eyes and heard what I heard with my own ears. So, let me briefly explain what happened before getting into what can be done.

Several months ago, a coworker experienced an injury and has been in pain since. In the following weeks, the pain worsened. This worker (we’ll call Jane but that isn’t her name) sought medical treatment, but her injury was basically blown off as not being serious. They gave her a prescription for a mild pain reliever and sent her on her way. Because of this, she attempted to carry on with her daily routine, and this likely caused further injury. She chugged along and visited physicians several times but was always instructed to “give it time” as if she was being impatient.” But then, there came a time when her pain became unbearable, enough to cause one of the doctors she’d seen to order an MRI. Lo and behold, a real problem existed. She was scheduled for surgery. However, the surgery couldn’t be scheduled immediately, as the doctor needed to confer with specialists for the best surgical option.

The following day after receiving her MRI results, Jane returned to work excited and frightened. She was excited about the prospect of finally getting rid of the pain but terrified of having to have surgery. Her reaction wasn’t unreasonable. First, the surgery/procedure, if gone wrong, could have lifelong, debilitating effects. Second, it would mean taking a work leave of absence without pay. Third, it would be expensive, even with insurance. Fourth, while the prognosis was that her pain could be alleviated, there existed a high probability that it could return later. It was a lot for Jane to process, and she turned to her coworkers for support.

In the workplace common area, she relayed everything her doctors had said to her coworkers. By being in the common area, any worker could overhear the conversation. Essentially, it’s this company’s version of gathering at a water cooler. Jane was unbothered by who listened in.

In walks Yenta. (No, not her real name.) I’m not even going to pretend to concern myself with being polite here. Yenta is that workplace’s village idiot after huffing a bottle of bleach. She is an example of how the education system has failed in some districts and the poster child of bankrupted modern-day Beverly Hillbillies.

So, that’s the background. Let’s get into ways of how to be supportive, unlike Yenta.

Don’t say dumb crap. As a general rule, if a person is going to speak, he/she should say something intelligent or, at least, not stupid.

Jane’s anxiety regarding the surgery was notably through the roof. Her doctors were considering two options for surgery. The first was an outpatient procedure. The second was far more complex and would require in-patient with some extra-ultra specialist, as in, an ordinary specialist wouldn’t do. Her MRI had been sent to multiple physicians for consultation. Yenta in all her wisdoms says, “Office? They can’t do that in an office you need to be in a hospital.”

Very patiently Jane explains the situation again, to which Yenta replies, “You need to be laid up.” Now, I’m no physician, but I do know a little something. Therefore, I offer that medical technology is constantly advancing and that surgeries that once required lengthy hospital stays could now only require overnight or performed as an outpatient. I furthered this by giving an example that many incisions that used to be made using a scalpel and were large could not be made using lasers and were considerably smaller. Additionally, I discussed that when doctors used knives and made large incisions, one of the greatest concerns was the risk of infection. Smaller incisions and quicker surgery times using lasers and scopes have reduced those risks, making it safer to return home sooner.

Yenta spouts off, “Yeah, and that’s why people die. She’s going to die at home.”

Yenta wasn’t joking. If it had been a joke, it would have been in grave poor taste. However, she’d been serious. Not only was she uninformed and talking out her butthole, she totally gave zero consideration to Jane’s already fragile emotional state.

Allow the focus to be on the coworker. Don’t hijack the conversation and make it about you. Using a personal story as an allegory or example to make a point is acceptable. But to have the conversation turn and be about you isn’t okay.

Think about Cher Horowitz (Alicia Silverstone) in the 1995 rom-com Clueless when she attempts to retell her story of being robbed while Tai (Brittany Murphy) is telling her story about being dangled from the railing at the mall. Clueless was a spin on Jane Austen’s classic romance novel, Emma. The titular character was meddlesome, egotistical, shallow, rather shallow-minded, and inconsiderate.

While Jane was explaining about her injury and pain, Yenta interrupted to yap about her daughter’s unrelated medical condition. The two conditions had no shared commonality other than Yenta’s daughter having a surgical procedure. Yenta’s daughter’s surgery didn’t stem from an injury, affected a different part of the body, and wasn’t as serious. At least, Emma was wealthy and pretty, which allowed her a privileged standing during her time. I can’t say the same for Yenta.

Offer words of encouragement or support. I don’t mean “toxic positivity” as some have coined it. I’m speaking of genuine thoughts that will help calm one’s emotions. For example, a coworker stated that one of the surgeons being considered for the surgery had successfully performed a similar surgery on her father and he was doing well. Another coworker pointed out how all of the doctors in that surgical clinic had received awards and recognition for their medical achievements. I quoted statistics that indicated most patients felt instant pain relief within days of the surgery. Yenta had nothing positive to offer.Be informed. This ties in with the very first point of not spreading misinformation.

Yenta asked, “Why won’t he (i.e., the doctor) give you something (i.e., medication) for your pain. Jane stated that he had. Yenta rebutted, “Well, it ain’t working. You need something stronger that’s going to make you sleep.”

Where to start with this? First, Jane couldn’t afford to take time off work. If she was prescribed a medication that kept her practically comatose, she wouldn’t be able to work. Her taking time off to have the surgery was already an issue for her, and she was having to complete mounds of paperwork from HR. Missing work to sleep would pretty much guarantee her termination.

Second, the medications Yenta was talking about are known to be highly addictive. Jane has a history of some “difficulty” using some medications. (Read between the lines.) Jane’s previous medical struggles were no secret around the office.

Third, Yenta knows damn well that many of the medications she referred to wasn’t covered by the company’s insurance and are extremely expensive (practically non-affordable) out of pocket. Everyone has the same sucky policy and complains about it regularly.

Ask what the person needs. Sometimes, the person won’t admit to needing anything. In Jane’s case, we knew money was an issue, but she wouldn’t admit to it. We decided to collect a love offering for her, just a little something to help. Do you think Yenta was in favor of this or that she ever gives? I’ll leave that right there.

And as for leaving things, that’s all I got. Now, it’s your turn to sound off. What did you think? What is your take on the subject? Do you agree or disagree? Did you find this information helpful or informative? Did you learn anything new, or did it change your opinion? Let me know your thoughts in the comment section. Also, let me know if you would like me to cover more of these types of topics or dive deeper into this one. If you like this post, please click the like button and share. Your feedback allows me to know the content that you want to read.

Until next time, happy reading and much romance. Laissez le bon temps rouler.

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