Like Lightning
So I got to talking with my doctor a couple weeks ago. When my friend from up north was down to visit, I said, we got to talking about how strikingly similar our hodgepodge of conditions is. Similar treatments and medications, too. One thing to another and I started reading up on ADHD and how it's diagnosed. I'd been suspicious since I start with therapy. We've got a touch of it in the family and I was borderline from what I could tell. That got swept under the rug until just these few weeks ago.
This is a roundabout way of saying I'm on ADHD medication now. My GOD is this wild. The first chemical transformation I underwent in my mental health journey was getting my sleep in order. Going from getting a few hours a night to sleeping nearly the whole way through. Now I'm undergoing another stark "this is how brains are supposed to work" realization. I'm taking care of tasks, both minor and major, as they come to mind rather than pushing them off. I find myself able to focus on tasks for more than half an hour without becoming mentally exhausted. No longer do I feel compelled to look at my phone every five to ten minutes.
There's a part of me that's bitter about this realization. Thoughts along the lines of how I've spent upward of thirty years with what felt like lead weights tied to my brain. A sort of "why couldn't this have been noticed sooner" vibe. So many years wasted on a level of functioning that I would barely describe as such.
Overwhelmingly, however, I feel uplifted. There's nothing that can be done about the time that has already passed. All I can do is look forward and plan what to do with this newfound strength I've been given. The key my brain so desperately needed has finally been slipped into the lock that kept it chained for so many years. My writing pace has more than doubled. I worked through the entire set of revision notes on Shikaree and am ready to typeset it. It would be wrong to say that I'm a new man (still the same old me ticking at heart), but it feels right to say that I'm the best me I've ever been.
Toodles.
This is a roundabout way of saying I'm on ADHD medication now. My GOD is this wild. The first chemical transformation I underwent in my mental health journey was getting my sleep in order. Going from getting a few hours a night to sleeping nearly the whole way through. Now I'm undergoing another stark "this is how brains are supposed to work" realization. I'm taking care of tasks, both minor and major, as they come to mind rather than pushing them off. I find myself able to focus on tasks for more than half an hour without becoming mentally exhausted. No longer do I feel compelled to look at my phone every five to ten minutes.
There's a part of me that's bitter about this realization. Thoughts along the lines of how I've spent upward of thirty years with what felt like lead weights tied to my brain. A sort of "why couldn't this have been noticed sooner" vibe. So many years wasted on a level of functioning that I would barely describe as such.
Overwhelmingly, however, I feel uplifted. There's nothing that can be done about the time that has already passed. All I can do is look forward and plan what to do with this newfound strength I've been given. The key my brain so desperately needed has finally been slipped into the lock that kept it chained for so many years. My writing pace has more than doubled. I worked through the entire set of revision notes on Shikaree and am ready to typeset it. It would be wrong to say that I'm a new man (still the same old me ticking at heart), but it feels right to say that I'm the best me I've ever been.
Toodles.
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