Deadly Pudding

The monster known as “Deadly Pudding”
Is a good example of “They did so much ‘If I could-ing’
That they didn’t think enough,
“But… should?“—ing.

Deadly Puddings are dungeon dwellers
And a boon to healing-potion-sellers.
They’ll eat Adventurers like corn on the cob;
They’re suspiciously similar to ‘The Blob’.

Deadly Puddings are dungeon inhabitants
And familiar undertaker-slab-inants
Sure they’re weird, but be no critic:
They’re oddly strange, and quite acidic.

Dragons might have breath explosive
But compare that to pudding-spoo corrosive
Sure, the Dragon might fry you like a wonton
But the pudding might split you like a Taunton.

I’ve always wondered. And I’ll ask again.
AD&D first had Elves and Men…
…Hobbits, Dwarves, and other players
And monsters in assorted layers:

Trolls, Goblins, Vampires, Orcs
(All recognizable to us, because we’re dorks.)
Traditional monsters are sufficiently gooding;
Why the heck did we need fatal pudding?

I find this particularly scary
As I’m prone to poems culinary
And since I understand my venue,
I realize this monster is destined for the menu.

I don’t know. I’ve never got
Why dungeons are inhabited by living snot
But if they must be, then I’ll try to recall
The proper words for ‘Fireball’.

If pudding wants to make me a ghost,
Then that pudding can damn well roast.
Pudding is dangerous and funny-looking.
I think it could be improved by cooking.

 

My name is Jeff Mach (“Dark Lord” is optional) and I build communities, put on events, and make stories come into being. I also tweet a lot over @darklordjournal.

I write books. You should read them!

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