Guest Post: Every Mother’s Day, My Mom Sends Me a Gift Even Though I Don’t Have Kids
by Rachel
Every Mother’s Day, my mom sends me a gift.
I also get her a gift, because she is my mother and it’s Mother’s Day (the day to celebrate her!). But she gives me a gift too, even though I do not have kids and am not a mother. However, on the point of motherhood, my mom and I fundamentally disagree on its definition.
My mom gives me a Mother’s Day gift because she is trying to be inclusive. She realizes that many folks my age want to be mothers but can’t create their own biological children. I get that. And I’m not upset by the gift (which is usually something sweet to eat). What does upset me is the theological rationale behind it.
My mom sees all women as mothers because in Moses 4:26, Eve is called the “mother of all living” by God, and this happens before she has physically conceived or borne any children. So, my mom argues, all women are mothers, whether or not they have children.
But there are a couple of problems with this argument. If we are all mothers, it devalues the work of motherhood. I am not a mother. I do not have to worry about toddler nap times, potty training and tantrums. I do not wake up teenagers to go to school or go to lunch with my young adult kids. I also don’t get to experience the joy and closeness that mothers can develop with their offspring.
I also don’t believe that calling someone the “mother of all living” is the same as saying that all women are inherently mothers. Being the mother or father of something can also mean that you are the first to do it. Thus, George Washington is sometimes called the father of the United States, or James Madison the father of the constitution. Eve is the mother of all living because she was literally one of the first two people on the earth (and the first woman).
Why do we not apply the same logic to fathers? If Eve was called the mother of all living before she had kids and that means she was always a mother, why was Adam not called the father of all living and always a father? Connected to this is the way that Mormon culture makes a huge deal about Mother’s Day on the appropriate Sunday in May, but barely nods at Father’s Day in June.
This gesture to be inclusive in reality further makes me feel different and isolated because I do not have children. My mom’s Mother’s Day gift to me reminds me that I am not a mom, even though my mom would like me to be. It is a reminder of what the Church perceives I lack, rather than a celebration of womanhood, as my mom sees it.
So women, as you’re getting your customary chocolate or flower pot each May, think about how Mormonism treats motherhood differently than others do. And consider that maybe we’ve got it wrong.
Rachel is a university professor and childless married woman who likes to bake and read.
