…if i were bishop?
My 12 year old daughter was recently called as the Secretary of her Young Women’s class. I was invited to Young Women’s that day to watch her get sustained and set apart. The bishop gave a little speech to all the girls before he did the setting apart which I would title “You are special.” I had heard similar speeches before. You probably have too (especially if you were in Young Women’s). In the speech he told the girls how important they are as Daughters of God and how special they are as young women in the ward. It was a nice little speech and I sat there remembering all the times that men have told me how special I am as a woman or girl. There’s nothing inherently wrong with the message. The issue is, however, that these speeches are needed in order to keep the patriarchy alive and well in the church. I bet readers of this blog would largely agree that if someone has to be told they’re special in an organization it’s likely because they are not being treated special. The boys know they’re special: they get the priesthood. The girls have to have regular little speeches to be told they’re special: because nothing else tells them they’re special.
I sat there imagining how I would do things differently if I were the bishop. [Note: I understand the irony that if I were Bishop this wouldn’t be a problem and that under current circumstances I will never be called to be a bishop because of my genitalia. But imagine with me for a second that I had a penis and was called as Bishop.] Here are my options:
1. Avoid having these cringey speeches because they’re sexist and gross.
2. Continue having these speeches because girls are special and need to know that.
3. Change the speech slightly: tell the girls that they’re special even though the entire system would say otherwise and that maybe someday the system will change.
The problems with option 1: we run the risk of the girls never knowing they are special and never developing a relationship with God, because: why would they want to develop a relationship with a God who hates you?
The problems with option two: we run the risk of the patriarchy never changing because there will be no young women growing up to change it. These recurring speeches work to blind young women to the issues and many continue living their full lives in ignorant bliss.
Option three may be the best option but I’m not sure how long I would stay Bishop if I were actively trying to mess with the patriarchal system.
Aside from imagining what I would do if I were the bishop, I also sat there wondering what I will do now as a mom of three little girls. I know I could stop going to church and many readers have chosen that option. I respect your feelings and I certainly understand where you’re coming from. But I actually love some of the doctrines of the church and don’t want to leave. The doctrines bring me a lot of peace. But I don’t want my children to feel like second class citizens. So I regularly have conversations with them where I call out the issues that I see. But I also regularly have conversations with them where I share my love of the things that bring me peace about the gospel. They are being taught the gospel while also noting not all is perfect at the institution. Is it a perfect system I figured out? Definitely not. I’m constantly unsure whether I’m doing the right thing.
What do you do? How do you teach your daughters?
Image from here: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/m.... I chose a coloring page because I’m trying to figure out how to color my relationship with the institution
