dear zindagi, how are you?

5/04/24

I know everything has to change. I know that nothing is constant but does everything really need to change? I’m terrified to think of ten years from now. To think that the place where I was born and brought up would be foreign to myself despite me watching it evolve with every single creation and destruction humans could ever do. 

I’m twenty two and I don’t recognize the path to my school anymore. Because they destroyed the cafe and the bus stand that I used to use as a landmark. In case I needed to tell someone the way to school. I was a kid who was never good with addresses. Landmarks were easy for me to remember and recite to others. 

I don’t remember what stood in the place of the salon near my apartment. I can’t imagine what will stand next in the place of my apartment where I currently live.

Wild to think our hands are made to create and the same hold the power to destroy these beauties. Wild to think our eyes can cry because of happiness and sadness, for places build of stones and cement. 

It’s not the building, it’s the memories we cry for. It’s not the foundation, it’s the milestones that the place stands for that causes such immense pain. 

As a kid, I wanted to grow up, turn eighteen as soon as possible because I was told I’d be free. But I was once also scared of growing up, scared of fading into nothingness, scared of turning into one of those who hated their life and job, who couldn’t achieve everything they promised themselves they’d ever do when they were kids with shiny eyes and glittering dreams. I hated the idea that my dreams would just be that – dreams. 

I know nothing will change yet everything will change ten years from now but I wish, I really wish the places I made memories in still remind me of me and what I used to be, what I dreamed and longed for as a child in her tiny bedroom, scribbling things in her cheap, handmade journal. 

On the way back home tonight, I saw my neighbor walking his dog and I thought, he’s still alive!? 

I know it’s a weird thought but please forgive me.

I’m glad to know some things remain the same, despite growing and glowing. And just like that, even if it’s just for a moment, I know I’ll be alright. 

I know even if this place changes, even if I change, I’ll still have these memories, I’ll still have my time here for however long it is. I know I can hold onto these memories, but please can you do me a favor and be kind to me – don’t ever change so much to the point I can’t recognize you anymore, pretty please? 

//please don’t ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere//