Incredibly Unhelpful Magic Items

Rod of Blunders

Crossbow, +5 Against Anything Immune To Crossbow Bolts

Vorpal Banana Pudding

Eleven and a Half Sided Die

Portable Chasm To The Center of the Earth

Girdle of Giant Strength and Even Bigger Dislike of Wearing Girdles

Potion of Children’s Cough Syrup

Belly Button of Vecna

70,000 League Boots

Book of Vaguely Unpleasant Details

Tome of Thoroughly Useless Information

Codex of Things That Are Not Helpfully Organized In A Codex

Horn of Blasting the Fourth Wall

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“It’s a little-known fact, but Unicorns are something like 20% paint, and their horns are stolen exclusively from endangered species.”
― Jeff Mach, There and Never, Ever Back Again

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