Acknowledging a bit of progress announced in the RS broadcast

Like many, I have big feelings about the recent Relief Society broadcast. In this post I want to focus on a crumb of change that I appreciate.

Camille N. Johnson, the General Relief Society President announced the policy for when a woman can be endowed. She said:

“Worthy sisters who desire to receive their own endowment may do so if they’re at least eighteen years old, have completed or are no longer attending high school, secondary school, or the equivalent, one full year has passed since their confirmation, and they feel a desire to receive and honor temple covenants throughout their lives.” (23:40 time stamp)

I like that the policy was announced to a general church audience. Having the policy generally known can reduce local differences due to leadership roulette. Announcing the policy to women is, well empowering is too strong a word. A woman who wants to be endowed is dependent on persuading multiple male authority figures that she is worthy to make temple covenants. But at least she can now argue that she has met all the church sanctioned requirements so that she can get endowed in a time frame that makes the most sense in her life. I couldn’t do that in the early 2000s.

I got engaged to my husband at the ripe old age of twenty. I wanted to get endowed in the spring. I would be spending the summer across the country doing an internship and getting married a week after returning to Provo. When I met with BYU student ward leadership hoping to get a live ordinance recommend, he wouldn’t give me one. He wanted me to wait and get my recommend over the summer during my 10 week internship. He was concerned something might happen when my fiancé was two thousand miles away, and he didn’t want me to get endowed just in case we decided to call off the wedding over the summer. He wouldn’t permit a young, unmarried woman to be endowed. I thought this was silly because BYU has hordes of young, unmarried men who had gone through the temple when they were even younger than me.

I had lived in my BYU student ward for over a year, so the bishop knew me for a relatively long time (as far as student wards go). Because I had to get a living ordinance recommend in the branch I attended during my internship, I *had* to make sure my membership records got moved. I think this took a few weeks. I was dependent on men to fulfill their volunteer callings in a timely manner. The branch president only knew me for a few weeks. He was confused about why my previous bishop didn’t give me a recommend.

I also needed the stake president to sign the recommend. I was told that the stake president visits the branch on a certain week (the very last week I would be in the branch!) so I could have my interview then. I was not told that I needed to make an appointment with the stake president. My last week came. The stake president did not. There was a senior missionary couple that drove me home that day. They saw that I was fighting back tears. One of them gave me a brand new pen they happened to have with them. I felt like a five-year-old, but I appreciated their effort.

The Stake President, bless his heart, drove an hour to the chapel on a weekday evening to meet with me before I left. He commented that my modest dress helped put him at ease that I would be ready to wear the temple garment. Incidentally, I wore that dress to the temple the day I was endowed. I brought the lowest cut style of garment top, but I was shocked to discover that it only worked with my dress if I used my bra to hold the garment neckline lower than it would naturally fall. I’d seen my parents’ and roommate’s garments plenty of times so I thought I knew what to expect, but keeping my new underclothing under my clothes ended up being more difficult than I anticipated.

I *still* have the dress! My conservative apparel helped me persuade a man that I was worthy and prepared to be endowed.

My mom was not able to escort me through the temple. It was logistically impossible. My brother started high school and my sister moved into her college dorm the same week as my wedding. Our wedding date was selected because it was the only possible day that would work for all members of my family. When we realized I would not be allowed to be endowed in the spring, I had to arrange for my aunt to be my escort. I’m lucky that I had another endowed female relative that lived nearby and could fit me into her schedule.

Because a man decided he understood my needs better than I did, I had to do so much extra work. The logistics were hard, but this work also depended on me appeasing multiple male gatekeepers with whom I did not have existing relationships: the membership clerks, the branch president, and the stake president. In the absence of a relationship, I was judged in part by my appearance. I would have benefited from a clear policy about who can get endowed and when. Men do not know women’s circumstances better than women know their own circumstances.

I appreciate that the endowment policy was announced by a woman and to women. I imagine it was created because church leaders have been listening to women’s stories. However, I am under no illusion that a woman gave the final approval for this policy. At every level of the church there is always a man who can override whatever a woman may want to do. While the rules for when a person can be endowed are now more equitable, only a select group of men have the power and authority to decide who can enter the temple. Men decide if and when policies are changed. Men decide what women are allowed to do within the temple. The temple, like the rest of church, is a male-controlled space. Women have simply been given more autonomy to decide when they will enter this male-controlled space. Yay. It’s a crumb. But I’m a spiritually starving dog, so I’ll eat it.