Well, Bugger it All

Good morning, Readers! Image by Gundula Vogel from Pixabay Don't let my writing and publishing of today's post fool you. I am not on top of things. Even remotely.

The burnout is coming fast and hard, and it's not even my insane schedule this time. I've been very good about resting and not taking too much on. But my headspace cannot help but be affected by the world around me, and so I find myself unable to do much at all.

First and most obvious, the catastrophic situation in Palestine. It's not just all those beautiful souls being made to suffer with deliberate and inexcusable cruelty that has me crying very nearly daily, but it's the absolute refusal of the western powers to do anything about it; ignoring all pretence of caring about human rights or international law or anything and using my money to aid and abet the crime of crimes. I am beyond disgusted. I am beyond rage. I would not cry to see them fall hard and fast. More than that, even, it's my absolute inability to affect any kind of change. I have written letters, sent faxes, shared information on social media... And it's as if I'm throwing things at a glass wall. They see. I know they see. But they do not move.

I used to believe that perhaps our government here in Canada were just cowards. It's deplorable, but at least a little understandable. It's so hard to stand up to a bully. That's why so many bullies get away with being the literal worst their entire lives. It's a hard thing to do what's right, and noble and just, when everyone around you, your 'friends' seem hellbent on doing the exact opposite. It's not an easy task. That's why we have heroes, I suppose.

No one would ever mistake Trudeau for a hero. But now I'm becoming convinced that this country is governed by monsters.

I'm angry, feeling horrifically impotent and impossibly sad.

Also, I have a foot injury that's impacting my ability to train. So far, I've taken several weeks off, and have later returned one day a week (in addition to teaching Saturdays). It doesn't seem to be getting better. The injury itself is frustrating enough, but the fact that I can't work out my frustrations as frequently or as thoroughly in training as I usually do is compounding it all.

I'm also quite behind in my deadline for finishing the third book in The Three Worlds War trilogy. I will need to extend the deadline, which I hate and it's stressing me out. And because I'm stressed about it, and with all of the things above, I'm struggling to write at all.

It's a brutal vicious circle at present.

But it's not all bad. I am eeking out some words in the manuscript, and I am able to train a little, and I'm not being entirely idle about the state of the world, either. But it's taking a lot of effort. The burnout is real. I think what I need to do is take a week and vanish from the world for a bit; maybe find a way to go camping or rent a cat-friendly cabin somewhere where there isn't internet, and just... chill.

But that will have to wait as I don't really have the holiday days available from work, and no money to rent such a location anyway. Best I can do is do what I'm doing right now. Sleeping it off. And venting.

I already feel a bit better. Thanks for listening to me.

Right, I'm off to attempt a normal day. It's a holiday here in Ontario, so I'm going to spend it relaxing as much as possible and doing a few of my most neglected house chores.

I hope you're all well, and please know that even though I'm exhausted, it's not actually that bad, and I'm doing okay, really. I just needed to bitch for a bit!

Ciao!