A new friend and two words of wisdom
A truly worthwhile book by my friend, Stephanie
Sometimes serendipity can leadto the nicest things. Several months ago, the neighborhood newsletter that Iedit did an article about Ann Darr, the neighborhood representative to the FortWorth ISD board. I stressed to the writer that it had to be apolitical,following the guidelines for the newsletter, and it came back raving about whata good school board member she is. I sent it back, explained again about nopolitics, and got an article Ii thought usable (yes, I got some criticism, butnot much). A few weeks later, Ann Darr contacted me and asked if we could meet.We had confusion finding a date, and I had to explain I could not easily meether someplace for a happy hour drink but I would welcome her to the cottage.
Tonight, finally, was ourhappy hour meeting. I made a tuna spread—not very original, but it was good andshe seemed to like it. We chattered like magpies for over an hour and a half.Found out we go to the same church, one of her children is in Jacob’s class atthe high school, and one of her sons is at U of Arkansas where Jacob will gonext year. We are politically in sync, though her position, like my newsletter,is apolitical. We chattered about education today—charter schools, homeschooling, book bans, intrusive parents (she says that has peaked and dieddown), the necessity of trade school programs, financing, Abbott’s sitting on fundsallocated for teachers because he didn’t get his way on vouchers, and on andon.
I have friends I see often andsimply adore but familiarity sometimes results in fairly stagnant conversations(I can hear them now—“Does she mean me? Surely she doesn’t mean me!”). I thinkwe tend to know what our close friends think and not dive deep in conversation.But when you meet someone new, in the process of getting to know them, you godeeper—at least that’s what I found tonight. I hope Ann Darr will come back tothe cottage, and we can develop a friendship. PS She’s a dog person, so what’snot to love. After welcoming her with frantic barking, Sophie was as good as goldall evening, pretty much stayed on the patio.
Two words of wisdom for theday: resilience and gratitude. My friend, Stephanie Raffelock, posted in herSubstack column this morning about her goals to reach by the age of eighty. I misreadand thought she was referring to her seventies as her last decade, so Ihastened to send a rebuttal from my advanced age of eighty-five. She called tosay I had misread and her goals are to prepare herself to live into hereighties and nineties. We talked about aging, and she mentioned a book that is meaningfulto her: Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning. A Jewish psychiatrist,Frankl spent four years in various Nazi concentration camps, and he came tobelieve that the will for meaning was the single most important factor insurvival. He got so he could look at fellow prisoners and almost predict whowould survive and who wouldn’t. I probably won’t read it simply because Irefuse to read about Nazi cruelty. I find it too upsetting to realize such evilexists in the world. But I like the theory.
Stephanie had written that itwas a goal to be pain-free, and I told her that was a pipe dream—as we age weall suffer minor aches and pains. The goal is not to let them grow so big inyour mind that they become major. I mentioned that as a doctor’s child, I wastaught to be brave about health problems and pain. Doctors, my mom told me,laugh at those who magnify problems or pain. I took it so far that my brotheronce said he thought I was taking Mom’s advice too seriously. But once when Iwas in the hospital with a fairly serous health problem, I said to a residentphysician that I guessed this would change my life, and she replied, “Oh, I don’tknow. You seem to be fairly resilient.” So that, for me, is why resilience isimportant—bouncing back from major or minor upsets.
Stephanie had just beenreading about gratitude, and she proposed that as a factor in aging well. Gratitudetakes us beyond ourselves. If you can give up moaning and whining about yourpresent state—or about the state of our country or the world—and look for thepositive, your whole attitude toward life will change, and you will behealthier and happier. I try, every night, to thank the Lord for the blessingsof my day and those of my life in general. I find I have lots to talk about.
Resilience and gratitude: Trythem for a week
