Personal Challenges

(Nimue)

I intimated recently that there’s serious stuff afoot, but at the time I didn’t know how to talk about it. However, Keith has made the decision to chart his experiences on Facebook, and we’ve talked through how to handle the blog. I’m not going to be sharing anything too personal about him, but I will be talking broadly about how what’s happening impacts on me.

My beloved partner has cancer. At this stage he’s been through two operations, and now he’s dealing with radiotherapy and two doses of chemotherapy alongside it. We’re at the start of a six week treatment process and there’s a great deal of uncertainty ahead. How this impacts on people can vary a lot, most especially towards the end of treatment and around recovery time. It’s created a lot of uncertainty around events and gigs, but everyone we work with has been fabulous, flexible and supportive, which is deeply appreciated.

This is why we’ve dropped the idea of doing an online festival this year. Treatment is likely to affect Keith’s energy levels and his voice. Protecting his lovely singing voice through all of this is something we’re working on, but again, there’s no knowing how this is going to play out.

A week in and one of the impacts is just how much work all of this involves. The list of things that need doing every day is long, on top of appointments and daily treatments Monday to Friday. The amount of time and attention this treatment calls for is huge and I certainly hadn’t realised just how big the impact of all that would be until we got to this stage – not that we’ve had long to get to grips with the details. It’s also been a sudden and steep learning curve, with a lot of reading to do and a lot of information to get to grips with, especially around risks and side effects.

There’s every reason to think Keith will come through this without too much difficulty – he’s strong willed, physically tough, courageous and sensible in ways that will serve him well. He’s physically a very healthy person in all other ways and that helps a lot. But, there are no guarantees, and we’ll just have to see whether this works and take it all one day at a time.

One thing I’ve been feeling keenly is how very glad I am Keith chose to be with me, and that I’m the person who gets to take care of him through all of this. It’s not just about physically looking after him, but also about the emotional support he needs, and maintaining a decent quality of life. I know I can hold him through all of this. We’ve built an amazing life together, rich with joy, creativity and good things. We’re supported by good friends, and we’re good at taking care of each other. There’s a lot to learn about how to handle all of this, and handle it well. What I’m most likely to share here is what I’m learning around that.

My aim is to keep doing what I do.  That’s clearly the better mental health choice. The medical advice is to try and maintain your normal life as much as you can, so we’ll be doing that.