Looking back at 2023

(Nimue)

It’s been a momentous year, with some massive upheavals in my life. I learned a lot about myself. Most importantly I learned that I’d been right all along about who I am and what I need to be happy and to flourish. I’ve gone from being a severely stressed, distressed, anxious and malfunctioning person to being a much happier person who is steadily healing. I’ve become able to sleep properly which has made me a lot more bodily well.

This has been all about life with Keith. He allows me the room to be myself, and it turns out that an unstressed me is an easy going person who defaults to being joyful. With space to explore my own needs and feelings, I’ve become a lot more mentally well. His love is supportive, he’s a co-adventurer and a wonderful accomplice for all kinds of glorious things. He’s also someone I can make happy, and discovering my own capacity to delight, uplift and be a good thing has also been a wonderful experience.

I’ve travelled a lot in the UK this year. I’ve walked more than has been possible for many years. I’ve sung and played at events, having reclaimed the viola. I’ve written a lot of fiction and non-fiction alike, with a new non-fic book published back in the summer, the final Hopeless, Maine graphic novel coming out, and having self-published some fiction as well. I’ve been busy, inspired and productive and am setting up for more good stuff next year. I feel like myself – not lost or hurting any more, but able to live in a much more happy and authentic way.

There have been challenges. It’s hardly been an easy year. There have been a lot of practical things to wrangle with, and assorted things that were difficult. We’ve dealt with those as they’ve come, and nothing has proved impossible. There are more challenges ahead in the coming months, we’ll deal with those, too. 

Ir has, without a doubt, been the happiest year of my life so far. 

My main line of thought this time a year ago was that I wanted to prioritise my own happiness. I’ve done that, and it’s been a very good choice. I’d spent too long being persuaded that my own needs didn’t matter much, and I’m not doing that any more. I have a life that allows me to be well and happy, to feel effective and fulfilled. Happy me is a far more creative and productive person than unhappy me was. My confidence has grown alongside my ability to trust my own judgement, and there’s a lot more I can do from here.