I'm pretty sure that's ilegal in this State of Mind.
Lately I find it a constant struggle to practise restraint - to refrain from acting on impulses I know would only lead to trouble. Most have to do with work, and--you know--actually staying there.
Seriously. I find myself sitting at my desk, working on a lesson plan I could care less about, and thinking, "I should just go home." It's even harder when I'm stuck doing the more ridicules things the military engages in, like parades. There I am, standing at attention, my back aches, my feet ache, my shoulders ache, my ache's ache, and it's hot or cold or rainy or whatever. And I think to myself, "Why the hell am I putting myself through this? I'm 51 freaking years old, and I'm enduring pointless discomfort for what? So some officer can impress another officer? Who in their right mind does this sort of thing, or asks it of another human being? I should just walk off this parade, take a seat, take a walk down by the lake."
More and more the every day functioning of my life and job seem absurd. I find it a herculean effort to get out of bed in the morning, to go to work. Why put myself through the bother for such a pointless endeavour?
Of course, I do. I'm military, and the consequences would be drastic--and to my current state of mind just as surreal. Seriously, who deserves to go to jail because they don't show up for work? It's not like I'm in a war zone, or anyone or anything depends on my being there. There's a very real possibility that should I lose my job in September they won't even bother to find a replacement, but just delete the position.
And to be honest, the fact that I need to get paid provides more incentive to me than the fact that I could get in trouble.
It's not just work, either.
I find life itself has become surreal. People telling other people who can marry whom, or what they can or can't do with their bodies. Racial, sexual and religious intolerance and indifference. A justice system that's so out of whack with anything I believe in. A total breakdown in common everyday manners and respect for others. A complete lack of accountability across the board; by politicians, business, individuals.
And it's like we don't even have the illusion of freedom anymore.
So I have to force myself to play by the rules, because it seems more and more to me like no one else does.
At least not the people in charge.
Seriously. I find myself sitting at my desk, working on a lesson plan I could care less about, and thinking, "I should just go home." It's even harder when I'm stuck doing the more ridicules things the military engages in, like parades. There I am, standing at attention, my back aches, my feet ache, my shoulders ache, my ache's ache, and it's hot or cold or rainy or whatever. And I think to myself, "Why the hell am I putting myself through this? I'm 51 freaking years old, and I'm enduring pointless discomfort for what? So some officer can impress another officer? Who in their right mind does this sort of thing, or asks it of another human being? I should just walk off this parade, take a seat, take a walk down by the lake."
More and more the every day functioning of my life and job seem absurd. I find it a herculean effort to get out of bed in the morning, to go to work. Why put myself through the bother for such a pointless endeavour?
Of course, I do. I'm military, and the consequences would be drastic--and to my current state of mind just as surreal. Seriously, who deserves to go to jail because they don't show up for work? It's not like I'm in a war zone, or anyone or anything depends on my being there. There's a very real possibility that should I lose my job in September they won't even bother to find a replacement, but just delete the position.
And to be honest, the fact that I need to get paid provides more incentive to me than the fact that I could get in trouble.
It's not just work, either.
I find life itself has become surreal. People telling other people who can marry whom, or what they can or can't do with their bodies. Racial, sexual and religious intolerance and indifference. A justice system that's so out of whack with anything I believe in. A total breakdown in common everyday manners and respect for others. A complete lack of accountability across the board; by politicians, business, individuals.
And it's like we don't even have the illusion of freedom anymore.
So I have to force myself to play by the rules, because it seems more and more to me like no one else does.
At least not the people in charge.
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