Holding boundaries
(Nimue)
Boundaries are containers. We create them in ritual to establish sacred space and as ways of holding magic. We use them for focus. If everything is infinite and boundless then nothing has shape or meaning. We need edges in all things because humans are finite beings.
We all need boundaries in our lives to be able to function. This can involve being able to set aside time and space for druidic work and study. It can mean being able to hold edges so that our working lives don’t intrude into our personal time. Where it gets most difficult is around the demands other people make on us. The tensions between duty to others and personal need can make it hard to work out where to draw lines. There are further layers on this because being female (or seeming female) often goes with the expectation that you are to sacrifice absolutely everything for your family should that be asked of you.
In theory we should all be able to hold boundaries in ways that allow us to be healthy and functional. If you aren’t able to do so, there’s almost certainly a massive power imbalance going on. Holding good boundaries isn’t possible when there are massive power imbalances, and if you cannot safely say no, that’s a huge issue. Getting out of such situations is the only way of dealing with them, and that’s not always easy.
Saying no is a very powerful thing. Saying yes isn’t meaningful if you can’t say no – it’s not permission or consent. Saying no creates focus and space in much the same way that drawing a circle to make sacred space does. The act of saying no creates edges and focuses intention. While it might seem very ‘negative’ it’s not – it’s enabling and healthy if used in the right way.
You have the right not to do things, not to like things or want things. You have the right to decline to be a resource for other people to use. We do all have duties to the more vulnerable people around us, but if you’re being made to carry an unreasonable workload then at the very least you shouldn’t also have to feel like this is your obligation.
One of the things I struggle most with is when people around me refuse to be responsible and I end up feeling obliged to pick up the slack. I’m not good at shrugging and walking away when I could do something to sort a situation. This is far too enabling of people who do not play fair or pull their weight when they could, and it’s something I want to change. Currently I’m trying to get comfortable with the idea that I am not obliged to protect people from the consequences of their own actions. I’m thinking about how and when I deploy my energy and how easy I’m prepared to make life for people who are not reciprocal about that.
Just because I could fix things doesn’t mean I have to. Just because I am capable of sorting things out does not make them my responsibility. It might even be ok to let things go wrong and derail, or fall apart if other people aren’t willing to put in their fair share of effort. If I want to focus my own power, I need to cast circles sometimes.
