Men Don’t Always Need the Last Word

The annual Primary Program finishes. The congregation smiles contentedly, overcome with the warm fuzzies of children singing and speaking of Jesus. This Sunday, the Holy Ghost showed up in full force and, after the final Primary song ends, it’s the perfect time to simply conclude with a closing prayer. No matter the time, even if the meeting has gone over, the Bishop must stand up and give an impromptu talk and share the last word.

It’s a Women’s Meeting. The intended audience is female and the messages are created especially for them. Female leaders with the full capacity to invite in the spirit, offer God’s guidance, and preside at the meeting are present. After the women speak, a man with more authority concludes the meeting, usually taking more time to speak than any individual female speaker. He must have the last word.

You’re at Girl’s Camp. Friday is the final night of an emotional, spiritual bonding experience that finishes with a testimony meeting. Young women stand up, overcome and overflowing with burgeoning testimonies. Dry eyes are forbidden. It’s an incredible, lovely, unique experience that many women treasure. A final testimony from one last brave teen is finished. It’s the perfect time to sit with the spirit and end with a prayer. Instead, the visiting Stake President stands up at the end to give the last word and conclude the meeting.

Up until recently, Latter-day Saint conventions held that meetings always ended with a male speaker. Interestingly, the final speaker usually is granted the most amount of time. Switch this up, and you’ll often find that men, no matter where they’re placed on the program, plan the longest talk. Women, finally granted the opportunity to speak last, must edit and abbreviate to accommodate men going over time.

When a High Councilman visits to remind us that the Stake President really loves us (and he’s not just saying that), he always speaks last. His talk is always expected to be long and he is generally allowed to talk until he’s finished (even if it cuts into the next meeting). He is expected to have the last and final word.

Bishopric members visit Relief Society meetings and, when the lesson if finished and women are done talking, like to get up and share their final thoughts as the only man in the room.

This is benevolent patriarchy at its finest; all done in a spirit of love and leadership. In fact, many will read this and think, “Of course they do. It’s only right. They’re leaders and they love the people they’re leading.”

But imagine these scenarios playing out in any other arena of our lives and it’s jarring. Whether it’s meant to or not, it sends the message that men have the most important thing to say and the last word. Maybe it’s supposed to mean, Men hold the priesthood and are stand-ins for God’s authority and just vessels for Him to work through. But the way we revere priesthood leaders as people, defer to them as individuals, and passively accept their intrusion into all spaces indicates that, in practice, things are otherwise.

If we want all members to embrace their own testimonies, spiritual authority, and relationship with the spirit, we need to re-think this practice. If we want women to be fully respected as spiritual leaders by everyone in the congregation, we need to end this practice. If we want to break the molds of unnecessary sexism in Mormon culture, then men don’t always need the last word.