The Phantom Blog Theory

In 1991, German historian Heribert Illig discovered a discrepancy that shocked the world when he suggested that around three hundred years of human history never actually existed. To draw this conclusion, Illig looked at the comparatively scant archaeological evidence from the years 614 AD to 911 AD, the presence of Roman-type architecture in Europe that clearly doesn’t date as far back as the Roman Empire, and that one weird time glitch created when Pope Gregory XIII decided the Julian Calendar wasn’t far enough behind the times.

Jefferson Memorial in Washington DC, a structure that is super Roman and therefore serves as evidence that there’s closer to 1400 years of phantom time. Michael Jimenez, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

The theory goes that buddies Holy Roman Emperor Otto III, Pope Sylvester II, and Byzantine Emperor Constantine VII conspired to shift time in order to make their own lives and legacies more auspicious.

And it clearly happened just that way, because in 1582, Pope Gregory’s astronomer pals calculated that they could correct the Julian calendar, created in 45 BC, by subtracting a day for every one hundred and twenty-eight years. It was a solid plan until they rounded to ten, thereby correcting the calendar dating all the way back to the year 325 AD, the year of the Council of Nicaea.

That might be a little tough to follow, but don’t worry because in the 90’s, Illig did the math. What he realized is that 128 times ten is 1280, which leaves 347 years unaccounted for between 45 BC and 1582, as if it never happened at all. And the Phantom Time Theory was born.

To say that Illig shocked the world might be a little bit of an overstatement, but his theory did raise some historians’ eyebrows for a minute. And I can sort of understand why, because I have definitely experienced my own version of phantom time.

Silly theory or not, I gotta admit “phantom time” sounds pretty spooky and cool. Image by lidago from Pixabay

You see, five hundred and ninety-eight weeks ago, on May 9, 2012, I posted to this blog for the first time. I admit that at first I didn’t know exactly what I was setting out to create, but what it ended up being was a quirky mashup of history, as viewed from a slightly ridiculous angle, and my life, as viewed from an entirely ridiculous angle.

My aim was to blog once a week, realizing that some bloggers work on a much more ambitious schedule, but acknowledging that with the general demands of a busy life, I wasn’t going to be able to keep up with more. So, without any idea what I was doing, I got started and blogged once a week, for the next eleven-and-a-half years.

Now, if we do the math, that means that today’s post is my five hundred and ninety-ninth in this space. Not too shabby. Except that, according to the number-crunching monkeys at WordPress, this is my four hundred and twenty-fourth post. That sounds way less impressive. And it leaves one hundred and seventy-four weeks unaccounted for, as if they never existed at all.

What happened to those weeks? Well, any number of things might have occurred. It’s possible I was working on a book, or maybe I bumped my head and forgot to post, or I might have spilled a drink on my computer, or I could have blown off blogging and gone to a water park instead. That does sound like something I might do. Or is it possible that those weeks simply didn’t happen and I’m actually a little more than three years younger than I thought?

Yeah. I like that. I think I’m going to assume that’s what has happened here.

Now, I realize that some of you particularly astute readers might question my conclusion by suggesting that time was still passing for you during those missing weeks. Perhaps some of you even posted to your own blogs during the unaccounted-for one hundred and seventy-four weeks, leading you to believe that you have some sort of evidence that time kept marching on even without my contribution to the blogosphere. I mean, I guess if you’re that egocentric, your point could maybe be a little bit valid.

History-schmistory. This looks like way more fun. Image by cafrancomarques from Pixabay

That’s also the best argument against the Phantom Time Theory, which didn’t have most historians scratching their heads for very long. The theory assumes that the presence of 5th to 8th century artifacts from other world cultures sheds no light on whether or not time existed in Europe during the same period. It also relies on the impossibility that anyone in a later era might mimic an architectural style of an earlier era. Both of these assertions are a little hard to swallow.

Then there’s the astronomical evidence. While Otto III, Sylvester II, and Constantine VII were busy conspiring, it seems they forgot to reschedule the comets and eclipses reliably observed here on earth. So, maybe Europe just blew off history for a few centuries in favor of a trip to the water park. For the rest of the world, however, I think it’s safe to assume that time kept on ticking.