If Love, Then What?

It was over a cup of herbal tea that a friend suddenly grew pensive. We had been chatting quite late into the night and she happened to mention how sometimes expectations can be a burden. Sitting by the dim light of a hand-made candle, as I looked upon the delicate crawlers of the money plant held together by strands of sturdy strings, I couldnt help but wonder if there was any relationship that did not come with its baggage of expecations - something that was as important for the relationship as the strings was to the money-plant. Could the money-plant do without the support of the strings?

The discussion veered into myriad directions, and was followed with the dissection of quite a few relationships based on love - that amongst siblings, friends and of course children and parents. We asked each other - "Are the friendships and loves of our life quite so selfless? When we say or tell someone that we love them, what are we really telling them?"

My friend commented - quite to my astonishment- that even the most sacred of all relationships - the one between a mother and child - is perhaps a bit non-selfless... Shocking it was - to hear it first - but she argued and argued it well, quoting instances and experiences from her own life. I didnt know if I agreed with her or not - the thought was so unsettling that I decided to abandon it and not think about it any more.

But the question lingered on in my mind until quite later. What really is unconditional love? Can one really do that? And if one claims that he / she really does, then they must be doing it because they truly feel good doing so... But if thats the case, how can we say that it was really selfless?

I analyzed my own life and people I think I love and possily unconditionally. But introspecting and delving deeper into my conscience, as I started to read my innermost thoughts without the aid of the bearings of my societal training, I stumbled upon a discovery. Whichever way I went,
whatever person I picked - I realized that my need of giving the love that I gave was quite as important to me as it may be valuable for others, bordering on being existentially important for my being. It was then that I wondered that I coulnt love anyone unconditionally... with the exception of perhaps myself.

So is self-love the only unconditional one? Is it wrong to have expecations from the loved ones? Is there a thing as selfish love?