Guest Post: Some Unintended Ramifications of the Well-Intended Message to “Think Celestial”

by N. Skye

Let’s talk about this new phrase “think celestial.” (On a random side note, it beats me why it’s not stated, “think celestially.”)

I believe that President Nelson gave this message from a place of good intention, trying to help those of us less seasoned in the journey of life to be more successful and more joyful in our journey. That said, because General Conference talks are not required to be trauma-informed or to be based on sound mental health principles, they always run the risk of coming with some potentially serious mental health ramifications. (Personally, I think there should be a panel of experienced therapists that reviews every conference talk during the preparation stage to give feedback so that the way gospel principles are taught is cohesive with sound mental health principles. *More on this in the added notes at the end.)

For the purpose of this post, I specifically would like to focus on the following section of his talk*:

“When you are confronted with a dilemma, think celestial! When tested by temptation, think celestial! When life or loved ones let you down, think celestial! When someone dies prematurely, think celestial! When someone lingers with a devastating illness, think celestial. When the pressures of life crowd in upon you, think celestial! As you recover from an accident or injury, as I am doing now, think celestial!”

Before addressing the concerns, I want to point out what I see as the helpful takeaway from this message. To me, he is teaching the skill of zooming out and taking a broader perspective, looking at the big picture. This is a skill that has helped me many, many times in life, and it’s a skill I do think we would all do well to develop. Sometimes we get so lost in the weeds and the nitty gritty of our life, that it is easy to feel overwhelmed and forget to see a bigger picture to bring clarity, insight, or a calm grounding to our soul as we navigate our situation. Developing this skill is a worthy endeavor.

Many of us are learning how to say “yes, and” instead of “either/or”. This means that we can acknowledge the multiple things that are simultaneously true about a given situation. While it may be true that it’s a worthy endeavor to learn how to step back and look at the bigger picture, it is ALSO just as important to let ourselves feel the hard feelings that are part of life. To understand this “yes, and” principle, let’s consider the situation of someone who is miserably ill and in poor condition and then passes away. For the surviving loved ones, it can be both true that they are sad to have lost a loved one and deeply miss them in their absence AND they may also be grateful for their loved one to not be in misery any longer. Both are true. One truth does not negate the other, and both are important.

Black-and-white thinking says “either/or” instead of “yes, and.” Either you have faith in God’s plan, or you have deep, immense grief and pain. Either you are happy or sad. Optimistic or hopeless. Faithful or faithless.

Sorrow and grief are inevitable – and key – parts of this mortal journey, and understanding the *stages of grief (which, by the way can show up in other trials besides losing loved ones) can give life-changing understanding as we come to accept and embrace the immense, and even intense, emotion that is part of life. Then, instead of judging ourselves for what we feel, we learn how necessary it is that we “feel it to heal it.” We learn that allowing ourselves to feel emotions and acknowledge them, counterintuitively, actually helps us to move through them. Or maybe more accurately, allows them to move through us, allowing us to move forward in life instead of being trapped in a cycle of avoidance (and shame).

I’m concerned that the call to “think celestial” may come with the unintended consequence of something called spiritual bypassing, where people are not processing their emotions in healthy ways, but instead avoid them in an attempt to “think celestial”. I’m also concerned about the possibility of this phrase being used against those going through deep struggles (whether they be pains of personal trials, or even pain in regards to issues in the church), leading members to be dismissive of one another’s pains, exhorting each other to just “think celestial” to get through hardship (in turn, leading to an avoidance of difficult feelings).

While seeing the big picture is a helpful life skill, it cannot come at the expense of truly feeling and processing our emotions (and sitting with those who are doing so, AKA “mourning with those that mourn”). As it is, our church community already struggles a great deal with allowing ourselves and others to truly feel grief. We often try to turn a magic switch to relieve ourselves and others of the discomfort that comes with feeling grief. I propose that we make a concerted effort to not let “think celestial” become that magic switch we try to use, causing us to dismiss, spiritually bypass (and even judge) the pain that we and others feel.

Not being able to allow ourselves to feel because we are trying to turn off our emotions and just “think celestial” can lead us to downplay the immensity of what we are going through, and judge ourselves for our feelings because we think that feeling grief means we just aren’t “thinking celestial” enough. It can lead us to do the same to our family, friends, and fellow church members.

I believe it is possible for us to develop an eternal perspective, as President Nelson advocates, while ALSO learning to be present with our emotions and the emotions of others here and now. As in all things, Christ is our example. When people mourned, he wept with them. He taught about both the big picture and being present with what is. He showed us how to be present and mourn with people hurting NOW. As we consider the message of the phrase “think celestial”, let’s take the “yes, and” approach and we’ll be healthier for it.

EXTRA NOTES:

* I believe that if general conference talks were reviewed and vetted by a panel of diverse, experienced therapists (based on a criteria of sound mental health principles), that this practice would yield so much good fruit. It would be well worth whatever investment (time, energy, money) was required. IT WOULD SAVE LIVES. I mean it. How many lives have been lost to suicide, influenced greatly by rhetoric in conference talks (talks that are then studied in quorums and classes all year) that unintentionally fed cycles of shame, self-hatred, perfectionism, depression, hopelessness, and feelings of inadequacy. Not to mention the scrupulosity that SO many members are afflicted with, which for some becomes so severe it affects mental/physical health (and again, for some ultimately costs them their lives). Though leaders and teachers cannot fully control the effects/outcomes of their teachings, they can make concerted effort to teach gospel principles in a way that is based on sound mental health principles, recognizing that many in their fold deal with mental illness and/or are very susceptible to it. Conference talks should increase wellbeing, not diminish it. While I know diminished wellbeing is never an intention of the speakers, not being adequately trauma-informed – by the way, this doesn’t just mean hearing about traumas that happen, but becoming educated on the EFFECTS of trauma in mind and body – and not being sufficiently educated on mental health when giving speeches to a global audience can have huge ramifications, especially in this day and age. Ultimately, mind, body, and spirit are connected, so as we seek to nourish the spirit through gospel teachings, we must be mindful so that the approach used does not, unintentionally, compromise overall wellbeing. Becoming trauma-informed will yield immeasurable good fruit as we seek to teach the gospel in our day.

*The talk referenced in this essay is called “Think Celestial” by President Nelson given in the Sunday Afternoon session of General Conference, October 1, 2023

*Stages of Grief (not necessarily in this order): denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. There are many helpful resources out there you can study to learn more about this.

N. Skye is a God-seeking woman who wishes for trauma-informed teachings and practices in all areas of the church. A passionate learner, she’s always seeking to grow her understanding. Her husband and family are her world, and she finds beauty in simple things like the sound of birds, the beauty of flowers, or sharing a hug with a loved one.

Photo by Marcel Ardivan on Unsplash